Parlay: Buffalo Bulls VS Kent State Golden Flashes 2025-09-13

Buffalo Bulls vs. Kent State Golden Flashes: A Same-Game Parlay for the Ages
Where MAC Football Meets a Circus of Chaos

1. Parse the Odds: A Tale of Two Football Teams
Let’s cut to the chase: Buffalo is the steak, and Kent State is the side of overcooked broccoli. The Bulls are a 96% favorite (implied probability from +1.04 odds), while Kent State’s 7.7% chance (from +12.5 odds) is about as likely as me understanding quantum physics. The spread? Buffalo is favored by 23.5 points, a number so large it could be the combined weight of Kent State’s entire offensive output last game (they must’ve left their playbook in Texas).

Defensively, Buffalo is a fortress. Last week, they held Saint Francis to 4 total first downs and 119 total yards—a performance so dominant, even the grass on the field was filing a restraining order. Offensively, QB Ta’Quan Roberson isn’t lighting the world on fire, but with 207 rushing yards per game as a team, they’re the MAC’s version of a freight train: not flashy, but unstoppable if you’re in their way.

Kent State? They’re the NFL’s expansion team, but for college football. Their defense allows 470.5 yards per game—enough to make a lumberjack blush. Their offense? A sad ukulele cover of a rock anthem: “We tried, we really did, but the strings are all frayed.” They lost 62-14 to Texas Tech, a game so lopsided, the losing QB later opened a victory bar.

2. Digest the News: Injuries, Interim Coaches, and Pay-to-Lose Deals
Buffalo’s head coach, Pete Lembo, treats every MAC game like a Super Bowl. Fair. After all, beating Saint Francis 45-6 is the football equivalent of beating your dad at chess—respectable, but not exactly a highlight reel. Their only blemish? A loss to Miami (OH), which is like losing to a sibling in a video game: you’ll get over it.

Kent State? They’re in a holding pattern. Interim coach Mark Carney took the reins after breaking a 21-game losing streak—a feat akin to surviving a zombie apocalypse if the zombies are your own fans. Their recent “victory” over Merrimack? A 21-17 nail-biter that required a Hail Mary and a prayer. And let’s not forget their $1.5 million paid loss to Texas Tech, a transaction so absurd, it makes Black Friday deals look ethical.

3. Humorous Spin: Football, But Make It a Circus
Imagine Kent State’s defense as a circus tent: colorful, chaotic, and likely to collapse if a strong wind blows. Their 470.5 yards allowed per game? That’s like letting the entire cast of Wicked score touchdowns. Meanwhile, Buffalo’s rushing attack is a well-oiled vending machine—predictable, reliable, and occasionally dropping M&Ms on your shoe.

The 23.5-point spread? That’s the football equivalent of a math test where Buffalo writes “2+2=4” and Kent State answers “2+2= a small forest fire.” As for the total (48.5 points)? Let’s just say if this game hits 50 points, I’m betting Kent State’s offense invents the wheel.

4. Prediction: The Same-Game Parlay You’ll Thank Me For
Leg 1: Buffalo Bulls to Win (-1040 implied odds)
Why? Because even on their worst day, Buffalo looks like Kent State’s yesterday.

Leg 2: Buffalo -23.5 Points Spread
Why? Kent State’s offense is a leaky faucet in a hurricane. Covering 23.5 points? That’d require them to score 30+ and get a mercy rule. Spoiler: They won’t.

Leg 3: Under 48.5 Total Points
Why? Buffalo’s D is a brick wall, and Kent State’s O is a wet noodle. Combine them, and you get a game slower than a dial-up internet buffer.

Final Verdict:
Take Buffalo to win, cover the spread, and hit the under. This isn’t a bet—it’s a math problem. Unless Kent State suddenly drafts Tom Brady and J.J. Watt, this parlay is as safe as a toddler with a juice box.

Place your bets, then cry when you’re $1,000 richer. You’re welcome. 🏈💰

Created: Sept. 13, 2025, 1:15 p.m. GMT