Parlay: Buffalo Bulls VS Minnesota Golden Gophers 2025-08-28

Buffalo Bulls vs. Minnesota Golden Gophers: A Tale of Gophers, Bulls, and Why the Underdog Might Not Be a Total Joke

Parse the Odds: The Numbers Don’t Lie (But They Might Sneeze)
Minnesota is the 17.5-point favorite, which in betting terms means they’re the “I’ve-got-the-remote” of college football. Buffalo, on the other hand, is the “I’ll-just-pretend-I’m-not-here” underdog, priced at +800. The total points line hovers around 43.5, which is about as exciting as a spreadsheet. But here’s the kicker: Minnesota’s defense forced opponents under 20 points in four of their last six games, while Buffalo’s defense returns 10 starters, including Red Murdock, who single-handedly could’ve tackled a tornado (and probably would’ve, if the rules allowed).

The implied probability of Minnesota winning outright? A staggering 93% (based on their -1450 moneyline). That’s like saying the sun rising tomorrow is a 93% chance—true, but not exactly a gamble. However, the spread is tighter than a gopher in a sock drawer. Minnesota’s -17.5 line assumes they’ll win by nearly two touchdowns, but their offensive line is “questionable” enough to make a vegan cry. Meanwhile, Buffalo’s run-heavy offense (169 rushing yards per game in 2024) could keep the score low enough to make the Under 43.5 points a sneaky value.

Digest the News: Injuries, QBs, and the Art of Not Looking Foolish
Minnesota’s new QB, Drake Lindsey, has thrown five passes in his career. That’s about the same number of times most people have successfully parallel parked. P.J. Fleck, the “all gas, no brakes” coach who somehow plays like a cautious turtle, will likely tuck Lindsey under a blanket and let Darius Taylor (986 rushing yards in 2024) carry the load. Taylor is the Gophers’ version of a Swiss Army knife—useful, reliable, and definitely not a quarterback.

Buffalo’s offense is led by Ta’Quan Roberson, a transfer with a résumé that includes UConn and Kansas State. Let’s just say Roberson’s journey has been… eventful. Think of him as the “I survived the jungle but still need a GPS” QB. His supporting cast includes Al-Jay Henderson (1,078 rushing yards in 2024) and C.J. Ogbonna, who threw 19 TDs but got sacked 21 times. Ogbonna’s arm is like a toaster oven—capable of burning things, but not exactly a fire-breathing dragon.

The real star? Buffalo’s defense. Red Murdock, with 156 tackles and seven forced fumbles, is the human equivalent of a “Do Not Disturb” sign for Minnesota’s offense. Pair him with Shaun Dolac, and you’ve got a linebacker duo that could make Drake Lindsey feel like he’s playing against a brick wall… or a gopher-proof vault.

Humorous Spin: Gophers, Bulls, and the Art of Not Tripping Over Your Own Feet
Let’s be real: Minnesota’s offensive line is so shaky, they could trip over their own shoelaces during a snap. They’re the football equivalent of a toddler with a Rubik’s Cube—well-intentioned, but destined to fail. Meanwhile, Buffalo’s defense is like a herd of bulls with a vendetta against gophers. They’re not just playing football; they’re playing a game of “Don’t Let the Gophers Score, or We’re All Getting Fined.”

And Drake Lindsey? Poor guy. He’s the football version of a deer in headlights, handed the keys to a Ferrari (the Gophers’ offense) after spending his life in a go-kart. P.J. Fleck’s conservative coaching style is like putting a speed limit on a racecar—safe, but not exactly thrilling.

Prediction: The Underdog’s Got Bite (But Not Enough to Cover the Spread)
While Minnesota’s 93% implied probability makes them the clear favorite, the Under 43.5 points is where the real action lies. Buffalo’s run-heavy offense and Minnesota’s leaky offensive line set the stage for a low-scoring, defensive slugfest. Combine that with Buffalo’s veteran defense and Minnesota’s QB-by-committee approach, and you’ve got a recipe for a game that’s more “boring but efficient” than “explosive and entertaining.”

For the same-game parlay, pair the Under 43.5 points with Buffalo’s defense not allowing a touchdown. It’s a long shot, but if the Gophers’ offense continues to play like a group of gophers trying to dig an escape tunnel (and failing), it could pay off.

Final Verdict:
Minnesota wins, but not by 17.5. Buffalo’s defense will make it look like a clinic, and the total points will likely fall short of 44. Bet the Under 43.5 and laugh all the way to the bank—unless you’re a Gophers fan, in which case, enjoy your free therapy session.

Created: Aug. 28, 2025, 11:36 p.m. GMT