Parlay: Central Michigan Chippewas VS South Alabama Jaguars 2025-11-13

South Alabama vs. Central Michigan: A Same-Game Parlay Masterclass

Parse the Odds: The Numbers Don’t Lie (Mostly)
South Alabama (-6.5) is the clear favorite here, and the numbers back it up. The Jaguars are a defensive fortress, allowing just 64.6 points per game (18th-best in college basketball), while Central Michigan’s offense is about as reliable as a toaster in a monsoon—sparking, sputtering, and making a mess of things. The Chippewas shot a dismal 32.5% from three-point range last season (261st nationally) and managed only 6.4 makes per game. Meanwhile, South Alabama’s offense, led by Maxwell Land (10.3 PPG), is projected to have three players hit double digits.

The over/under sits at 142.5, but SportsLine’s model says the Over will cash in over 50% of simulations. Why? Because South Alabama’s defense forces turnovers (they’ll likely exploit CMU’s shaky ball-handling) and the Chippewas’ porous defense (191st nationally, allowing 72.2 PPG) might crumble under pressure.

Digest the News: Injuries, History, and a Dash of Chaos
Central Michigan’s recent loss to Bradley was a masterclass in inefficiency: 12 points, 8 rebounds, and… zero assists from their leading man, Keenan Garner. Zero. Like, not even a hand-off to a convenience store clerk. South Alabama, meanwhile, crushed Spring Hill 99-50, with Hantz Louis-Jeune dropping 17 points. The Jaguars are 3-0 to start 2025, while CMU is just 1-1, including a 0-1 neutral-site record that’s about as shocking as a wet squirrel in a sauna.

Historically, these teams are evenly matched (1-1 all-time), but last year’s 74-70 CMU win was an outlier—think of it as a one-time magical hiccup. South Alabama’s home court advantage is also key: they average 75.4 PPG at home (vs. 69.9 on the road), while CMU’s road scoring plummets to 72.1 PPG.

Humorous Spin: Because Basketball Needs More Laughs
Central Michigan’s three-point shooting is so bad, they’d probably lose a contest to a blindfolded toddler with a slingshot. Their 32.5% clip is about the accuracy of a pirate firing a cannon in a hurricane. Conversely, South Alabama’s defense is tighter than a jar of pickles in a earthquake. They don’t just play defense—they embodiment it.

And let’s not forget the Jaguars’ recent zero-assist performance against Bradley. If basketball had a “Most Likely to Trip Over Your Own Feet” award, CMU would be the front-runner. Meanwhile, South Alabama’s offense is like a well-oiled machine… if the machine was a caffeinated cheetah in a suit, sprinting toward a free buffet.

Prediction: The Same-Game Parlay Play
Your best bet? A Same-Game Parlay of South Alabama -6.5 and Over 142.5. Here’s why:
1. Jaguars to Cover: At -6.5, their implied probability is ~67% (based on -200 odds at DraftKings). Their defensive prowess and CMU’s offensive ineptitude make this a near-lock.
2. Over the Total: With SportsLine projecting 10 players scoring for CMU and three double-digit scorers for South Alabama, the pace should crack the Over.

Final Verdict: Bet South Alabama to dominate by double digits and light up the scoreboard. If you’re feeling spicy, stack the parlay for a 15.5% return (assuming -110 on both legs). But if you’d rather not risk your life savings on a team that can’t shoot, just root for the Jaguars to make CMU look like a group of kindergartners playing with training wheels.

Go get ’em, Jaguars. And maybe work on those free throws—your fans are terrified of your airball specials. 🏀🔥

Created: Nov. 13, 2025, 2:43 p.m. GMT