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Parlay: Cincinnati Bengals VS Denver Broncos 2025-09-29

Denver Broncos vs. Cincinnati Bengals: A Same-Game Parlay for the Ages
Where the Broncos’ Defense Meets the Bengals’ “I Give Up” Offense

Ladies and gentlemen, prepare your betting slips and your sense of humor for a Monday Night Football clash that’s equal parts football and farce. The Denver Broncos (1-2) host the Cincinnati Bengals (0-3), and if you thought this game would be a thriller, let’s just say… it’s not. But fear not! The same-game parlay tool at FTN has done the math, and there’s a sliver of hope for bettors who enjoy watching teams fail in creative ways. Let’s break it down with the precision of a pro and the wit of a guy who once bet on a horse named “Rainbow Dash” and lost.

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Parsing the Odds: A Tale of Two Teams
The Broncos are 1.21 favorites (-833 implied probability) to win outright, while the Bengals sit at 4.6 (+460, or 18% implied). That’s the kind of line that makes you wonder if the Bengals’ entire roster is on a reality TV show called Survivor: Who Knew? The spread is Broncos -7.5 (1.91 odds), and the total is 44.5 points (1.95 for Over/Under).

Key stats? The Broncos’ defense is a well-oiled machine, ranked 6th in expected points added (EPA) per rush, while their offense is a sputtering jalopy, 17th in points per game. The Bengals? Their defense is a sieve (26th in pass DVOA), and their offense… well, they just got shut out for 38 points in a 48-10 loss to the Vikings. Without Joe Burrow (out with foot surgery), they’re like a bakery without ovens—present, but useless.

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Digesting the News: Injuries, Benchwarmers, and a Lot of Sacks
The Bengals’ woes are legendary. Last week, they turned the ball over five times, got four sacks, and allowed 48 points. Their defense? A group of men who seem to think “blitz” is a type of yogurt. Meanwhile, the Broncos’ rookie QB, Zach Nix, has underperformed, but his defense will be hyped to keep this one close—assuming they don’t spend the game playing chess with the Bengals’ offense.

On the bright side for Bengals fans? Rookie WR “Chase” (yes, that’s his name) might finally get a chance to shine. For Broncos fans? Evan Engram, their tight end, has yet to contribute, which is like bringing a cheeseburger to a salad bar—present, but irrelevant.

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The Humor: Football as a Metaphor for Life
Let’s be real: The Bengals’ offense is like a group of sleepwalkers trying to solve a Rubik’s Cube. They’ll probably end up on the floor, and the Broncos’ defense will just sigh and hand them a participation trophy. Meanwhile, the Broncos’ offense is like a toaster in a bakery—present, but useless. They rank 29th in offensive success rate, which means they’re one missed field goal away from a math error.

As for the Bengals’ defense? They’re the reason the phrase “pass DVOA” was invented. They’re so bad at stopping passes, they’d let a breeze score a goal. If the Broncos’ QB starts chucking darts, it’ll be like a piñata party for Denver.

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The Parlay: Why You Should Bet Broncos -7.5 and Over 44.5
Here’s the play: Broncos to win by more than 7.5 points and the total to go Over 44.5. Why?

1. Broncos’ Defense vs. Bengals’ Offense: The Broncos’ defense will likely force turnovers (they’ve got 15 QB hits in their last game) and keep the Bengals’ anemic offense in check. With Burrow out, Cincinnati’s QB is probably named “Ty Pudding” or something.
   2. Broncos’ Offense vs. Bengals’ Defense: Denver’s offense isn’t great, but the Bengals’ defense is worse. They’ll give up points, probably a lot. If the Broncos score 24 and the Bengals score 21 (a mercy rule in disguise), that’s 45 points—just enough to hit the Over.

The combined odds for this parlay? Around +300 (depending on the book), which is better than your chances of winning a bar bet that “Rainbow Dash” will win the Kentucky Derby.

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Prediction: A Broncos Win, a Bengals Meltdown, and a Parlay Profit
In the end, the Broncos’ defense will outclass the Bengals’ “I give up” offense, and the Bengals’ defense will make the Broncos look like the New England Patriots. The final score? Something like 27-17 Denver, which hits both legs of the parlay.

So, grab your betting slip, avoid the “Bengals +7.5” line (unless you enjoy financial therapy), and remember: In football, as in life, sometimes you’ve got to bet on the Swiss watch (Broncos defense) and the sieve (Bengals defense).

Now go forth and parlay, my friends. And if you lose, at least you’ll have a great story for your next office party. 🏈💰

Created: Sept. 29, 2025, 7:27 p.m. GMT