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Parlay: Colorado Rockies VS Los Angeles Dodgers 2025-09-09

Rockies vs. Dodgers: A Tale of Two Teams (and a Volcano Named Chase Dollander)

Ladies and gentlemen, prepare for a NL West showdown that’s as lopsided as a waffle without syrup. The Colorado Rockies (40-103) are heading to LA to face the Los Angeles Dodgers (79-64), and if you thought this game would be competitive, you’ve clearly never seen a team with a 6.02 ERA try to survive in Dodger Stadium. Let’s break this down with the precision of a MLB umpire and the humor of a stand-up comic who’s seen one too many Rockies losses.

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Parsing the Odds: Why This Feels Like a Foregone Conclusion
The Rockies are underdogs at +3.5 to +3.82, while the Dodgers are the prohibitive favorites at -1.3 to -1.32. Converting those to implied probabilities, the Rockies’ chance of winning is roughly 21-23% (thanks to their 28.1% underdog win rate this season), and the Dodgers’ is 54-55%. For context, the Rockies have won just 17 road games all year (and lost 51). Their starting pitcher, Chase Dollander, is a human geyser: 6.77 ERA, 7.5 K/9, and an opponent batting average of .279. He’s the kind of pitcher who makes you wonder if the Rockies’ offense is secretly a charity trying to keep his ERA from reaching 7.

The Dodgers, meanwhile, are a well-oiled machine. Their lineup—Shohei Ohtani (48 HRs, 90 RBI), Mookie Betts (.323 OBP), and Freddie Freeman (29 HRs)—is like a wrecking crew with a college degree. They’ve hit 209 home runs (third in MLB) and slugged .436, while the Rockies’ .394 slugging percentage and 143 HRs (23rd in MLB) make them more of a “hope-for-a-fluke” offense.

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Same-Game Parlay Pick: Dodgers Moneyline + Over 9 Runs
The over/under is set at 9 runs, with the Over priced at 1.83 to 1.99 and the Under at 1.95 to 2.03. Here’s why the Over is a no-brainer:
- The Rockies have the worst WHIP in MLB (1.607), meaning their pitchers are as reliable as a chair made of spaghetti.
- The Dodgers rank 15th in WHIP (1.287) but third in home runs, so expect a fireworks show.
- Dollander’s 6.77 ERA and the Rockies’ 6.02 team ERA? That’s a recipe for a high-scoring affair.

Combine this with the Dodgers’ moneyline, and you’ve got a parlay that’s as safe as a vault but with the payout of a slot machine. The Rockies’ offense might scrape together a few runs, but the Dodgers’ lineup will likely turn this into a “how many runs can we hit before the game ends?” contest.

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The News: Injuries and Absurdity
No major injury reports here, but the Rockies’ roster is so cursed that Chase Dollander might as well be pitching with a “Help Wanted” sign. The Dodgers, meanwhile, are the definition of “business as usual,” with Ohtani still defying physics and Betts playing like he’s auditioning for a Hall of Fame highlight reel.

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Prediction: The Rockies Will Lose, Probably Badly
The Dodgers are a 56.3% favorite as the season’s most dominant team in the NL West. The Rockies’ only hope is pulling off an underdog win (28.1% chance), which would be about as likely as a snowstorm in July… if July were in the Sahara.

Final Verdict: Bet the Dodgers moneyline and Over 9 runs. The Rockies might as well bring a “Sorry, We’re Terrible” banner to Dodger Stadium. As for Dollander? He’s not a pitcher—he’s a volcano of runs waiting to erupt.

And remember, folks: If you bet on the Rockies, you’re not gambling; you’re funding their travel expenses. 🏟️⚾

Created: Sept. 8, 2025, 10:35 p.m. GMT