Parlay: Denver Broncos VS San Francisco 49ers 2025-08-09

Broncos Defense vs. 49ers Backups: A Preseason Masterclass in Boring Brilliance

Ladies and gentlemen, gather ‘round for the most thrilling event in sports: the 2025 NFL Preseason Opener between the Denver Broncos and San Francisco 49ers. If you’re hoping for a shootout, grab your popcorn and a nap pillow—this one’s shaping up to be a defensive snoozefest with a side of "meh." Let’s break it down with the precision of a Swiss watch and the humor of a third-string punter trying to explain why he’s still here.

Odds Breakdown: Why the Broncos Are the Obvious Choice (But Let’s Pretend They’re Not)
The Broncos are listed as -7 favorites across most books, with moneyline odds hovering around +130 (implied probability: ~56%). The 49ers, meanwhile, sit at +340 (implied: ~29%), which is about the same chance Brock Purdy has of winning a dance-off against a vending machine.

The total is set at 34.5 points, with even money on Over/Under. But let’s be real: Preseason games are where teams test new uniforms, fumble punts into the stands, and treat the clock like a suggestion. The Broncos’ dominant defense (think a swarm of angry wasps with playbooks) and the 49ers’ backup-heavy offense (Mac Jones and Carter Bradley, a duo as exciting as a tax audit) make "Under 34.5" the most logical pick.

News Digest: Injuries, Starters, and Why This Game Matters About as Much as a Practice Squad Tryout
- The Broncos will start their actual starters for a "few quarters," per coach Sean Payton. Translation: Enough to make you forget they’re not the real team. Their defense, which looked like a group of ninjas in last year’s playoffs, is deeper than a Colorado mine shaft.
- The 49ers are treating this as a defense showcase, with starters like Nick Bosa and Fred Warner likely to play. Their offense? A rotating cast of backups, including Mac Jones (last year’s Patriots also-ran) and rookie Carter Bradley, who’s probably wondering if "Levi’s Stadium" is a type of jeans.
- Speaking of the 49ers’ offense: Without Purdy, they’re about as threatening as a toaster in a bakery. Last year’s team finished last in the NFC West, and their preseason opener is basically a dress rehearsal for… not much.

Same-Game Parlay: Broncos -7 & Under 34.5
Why it works: The Broncos’ defense will stifle the 49ers’ backups, and Denver’s starters (when they play) will make the Niners’ offense look like a toddler trying to solve a Rubik’s Cube. The Under 34.5 is a lock, given how preseason games prioritize player development over points.

Best Odds:
- BetOnline.ag offers Broncos -7 (-7.0) at +191 and Under 34.5 at +191.
- A $25 parlay pays ~$952 (if you’re lucky, or if the Broncos’ defense single-handedly erases the offense).

Why not just bet Broncos straight? Sure, you could, but where’s the fun in that? This parlay adds a layer of "I-picked-the-obvious-but-still-won" satisfaction, like ordering a plain cheeseburger and then smugly eating it while everyone else overpays for a "loaded" version.

Prediction: Broncos Win by 8, Then Toss the Rest of the Playbook
The Broncos win 20-10, with their starters exiting at halftime to avoid "ruining" the game. The 49ers’ backups will throw three picks, two fumbles, and a Hail Mary that sails over the stadium parking lot. The final score? A defensive clinic so dull, even the refs will check their phones.

Final Verdict: Lay the points with Denver. Unless you’re a masochist who bets on the 49ers for the "lulz," this is a no-brainer. As my grandma always says, "Don’t bet on a team that plays like they’re waiting for the bus." The 49ers? They’re still waiting for theirs.

Now go bet like you’re the coach of a team that actually cares. And remember: In the NFL preseason, the only thing sharper than the Broncos’ defense is your disappointment in this game’s entertainment value.

Created: Aug. 9, 2025, 9:05 a.m. GMT