Parlay: IUPUI Jaguars VS Ohio State Buckeyes 2025-11-03

"Ohio State vs. IUPUI: A Same-Game Parlay for the Ages (Or at Least a Guaranteed Nap)"

Parse the Odds: A Mathematical Masterpiece of Dominance
Let’s start with the cold, hard numbers. Ohio State is a 31.5- to 33.5-point favorite against IUPUI, per the bookmakers. That’s not a spread—it’s a math problem. The Buckeyes averaged 78.8 points per game last season, while IUPUI’s defense allowed 70.8 points per game (think of it as a sieve with a PhD in surrender). The total points line is 192.5-194.5, which would require both teams to play a 40-minute game of keep-away with a dunk contest. For context, IUPUI scored just 63.4 points per game last year. If this game’s total were a pizza, it’d be “extra large” with “192 slices” and no cheese.

The moneyline? Ohio State is at +1.01 decimal odds (effectively a 99% implied probability). That’s not a bet—it’s a tax on hope for IUPUI fans.

Digest the News: Injuries, Stats, and a Team That’s “Home” in the Struggle
Recent “news” is scarce, but the stats tell a story. IUPUI’s defense is so leaky, they’d make a colander blush. Last season, they allowed 70.8 points per game (310th in the nation) and held opponents to just 47.5% shooting (which is generous if your definition of “defense” is “standing there and sighing”). Ohio State, meanwhile, averaged 33.2 points in the paint and 13.1 points off turnovers—they’re not just good; they’re a basketball version of a wrecking ball with a highlight reel.

IUPUI’s home-court advantage? They scored 7.6 more points at home (68.6) than on the road (61.0). Too bad this game is in Columbus, where Ohio State’s home record was 11-6 last season. For IUPUI, it’s like bringing a toaster to a power outage.

Humorous Spin: Why This Game is a Sleeper Hit for the Over/Under? No. For the Under? Also No.
Let’s talk about that 192.5-point total. If you think this game will hit that line, you’ve either never seen basketball or you’re a time traveler from the 2025 NBA All-Star Game. Ohio State and IUPUI’s combined scoring average last season? 142.2 points. The total line here is like betting on a snail race with a cheetah as the favorite.

Imagine the announcer: “And here we are, folks, with Ohio State dominating the paint like a toddler with a crayon… and IUPUI’s defense is… is that a metaphor? No, that’s literal. They just let the Buckeyes score 20 points in 90 seconds.”

As for the spread, Ohio State covering -31.5 points is about as shocking as a duck quacking. The real question is whether they’ll hit -33.5 or if they’ll go easy on IUPUI and let them score 40 points. Spoiler: They won’t.

Prediction: The Same-Game Parlay That’s a Free Win (Minus the Bookmakers’ Dignity)
Your best same-game parlay? Ohio State -31.5 AND Under 192.5. Why? Because the Buckeyes will likely win by 35+, and the total points line is so absurdly high, the Under is a lock. It’s the sports betting equivalent of betting on a hurricane to hit Miami in August—yes, but also obviously.

Ohio State’s offense is a well-oiled machine; IUPUI’s defense is a well-oiled puddle. The Buckeyes will score, they’ll score again, and they’ll probably score a few more times for good measure. The only thing more certain than this outcome is that IUPUI’s fans will need a group therapy session afterward.

Final Verdict: Lay the points, take the Under, and enjoy the most lopsided “game” since the time my dog “competed” in a squirrel race. Ohio State wins by 35+, and the total points will make a toddler say, “That’s not even close.” Bet accordingly—or just watch and laugh. Either way, you’ll win.

Created: Nov. 4, 2025, 12:11 a.m. GMT