Parlay: Kansas City Chiefs VS Arizona Cardinals 2025-08-09

Chiefs vs. Cardinals Preseason Opener: A Same-Game Parlay Breakdown
Where NFL hopefuls, Andy Reid’s cursed preseason jinx, and Kyler Murray’s return collide in a game that’s as much about hype as it is about points.

Parse the Odds: A Numbers Game
The Kansas City Chiefs (-2.5) are favored, but their implied probability of winning outright (60-63%) feels inflated. Why? Andy Reid’s teams are just 12-17 in preseason games since 2013, including a惨痛 27-3 loss to the Broncos in 2022. Meanwhile, the Arizona Cardinals (+2.5) are home underdogs with a moneyline price of ~2.25 (implied 31% chance to win), which feels like a discount for a team playing its starters on their home turf.

The total is set at 39.5 points, a number that screams “preseason squish”—low enough to make you question if the refs will hand out participation trophies, but high enough to let Patrick Mahomes and Kyler Murray show off. The Cardinals’ offense, led by Murray’s return (he’s missed the last two preseasons due to injury), adds intrigue.

Digest the News: Injuries, Rookies, and a Coach With a Plan
Arizona’s big story is Marvin Harrison Jr., the 2024 first-rounder returning from a minor holdout. If he’s sharp, he’ll look like a “red zone wizard” (read: a guy who catches passes while defenders ask, “Wait, is this a real game?”). The Cardinals’ rookie class—Will Johnson, Jordan Burch, Cody Simon—will get their first NFL reps, which is like sending a group of TikTok dancers into a Strictly Come Dancing finale. Nervous? Absolutely. But potentially entertaining? Also yes.

On defense, Arizona faces a challenge containing Mahomes, though the Chiefs’ QB might not play long. Kansas City’s depth is stellar: Jacoby Brissett (a man who once completed 95% of his passes in a college game) and Gardner Minshew (the “two-time NFL starter who still hasn’t won a playoff game”) will likely see time.

Reid’s Chiefs, meanwhile, are chasing “revenge” for their Super Bowl LVI loss to the Cardinals. Let’s be real: That game happened in February. The rust on these players is thicker than a Texas brisket.

Humorous Spin: Kyler’s Back, Andy’s Cursed, and the Rookies Are Clueless
Imagine Kyler Murray lacing up for his first preseason game since 2022. Is he ready? Probably not. But does he care? Not if he’s got a neon “I’M BACK BABY!” sign on his helmet. The Cardinals’ home field, State Farm Stadium, is now his personal nest—a place where he can air it out without fear of Arizona’s defense, which looks like a group of librarians trying to tackle a bull.

As for Reid? The man’s preseason record is worse than a Netflix algorithm that recommends Mac and Cheese: The Documentary instead of The Crown. His teams look like they’re playing Calvinball—a game where the rules change every quarter, and the Chiefs’ starters might quit if they realize they’re not in the Super Bowl anymore.

And let’s not forget the rookies. They’re out there thinking, “Is that a real defensive end or a life-sized action figure?” While they fumble, Mahomes will likely throw a few dimes, and Murray will attempt to one-up him with a highlight-reel TD to Harrison Jr. It’s a match made in preseason heaven.

Prediction: Same-Game Parlay Pick
Cardinals +2.5 (-100) + Over 39.5 (-105)
Why?
1. Cardinals +2.5: Arizona’s starters are playing at home, where they’ll have energy and motivation to impress. Murray and the offense should score enough to cover the spread, especially if the Chiefs’ starters sit after one series.
2. Over 39.5: With both QBs playing (even if briefly) and rookie mistakes leading to turnovers, the game should have enough chaos to hit the Over. Mahomes alone could account for 20+ points before halftime.

Final Score Prediction: Arizona 24, Kansas City 21. A low-scoring game, but the chaos of preseason ensures we hit the Over via garbage time points.

Place your bets, but don’t blame me when Reid’s jinx strikes again. After all, even a clock can’t stop Andy’s preseason curse. 🏈

Created: Aug. 9, 2025, 6:38 a.m. GMT