Parlay: Los Angeles Angels VS Philadelphia Phillies 2025-07-20

Phillies vs. Angels: A Tale of Two Sliders (One’s a Pitcher, the Other’s Your Luck)

Ladies and gentlemen, prepare for a baseball mismatch so stark, it’s like watching a toddler play chess against a grandmaster… and the toddler forgot how the pieces moved. The Philadelphia Phillies (-185) are here to flex their offensive biceps and pitching triceps, while the Los Angeles Angels (+155) bring the same energy as a deflated whoopee cushion to a heavyweight bout. Let’s break this down with the precision of a MLB umpire on his first day—and maybe a dash of dad humor.

Parsing the Odds: Why the Phillies Are Baseball’s Version of a Free Throw
The Phillies aren’t just favored; they’re comfortably favored. At -185 moneyline odds, their implied probability of winning is 65.8%—roughly the same chance of correctly guessing “42” as the answer to life, the universe, and everything. Meanwhile, the Angels (+155) have a 39.5% implied chance, which is about as reliable as a toaster oven in a hurricane.

Statistically, this is a mismatch made in analyte heaven:
- Phillies offense: 4.6 runs per game (13th in MLB). With Kyle Schwarber (31 HRs, 70 RBIs) and Bryce Harper (12-for-24 in his last 6 games) swinging bats like they’re auditioning for a lumberjack convention, they’re as dangerous as a loaded porcupine.
- Angels offense: 24th in batting average. Their hitters are so weak, their best swing might be the one they take at the buffet after this game.
- Pitching: Ranger Suárez (2.15 ERA) vs. José Soriano (3.90 ERA). It’s like sending a lockpick to a safe-cracking contest against someone who still uses a key.

The Phillies also win 63.2% of their games as favorites, while the Angels manage just 47.9% as underdogs. If this were a dating app, Philly would have 10,000 matches and LA would be stuck swiping right on “Sorry, no Angels here.”

Same-Game Parlay: The “Don’t Bet on the Angel” Special
Let’s build a parlay that’s smoother than Trea Turner’s base paths:
1. Phillies -1.5 Run Line (-200): Suárez’s 2.15 ERA isn’t just good—it’s terrifying. The Angels’ offense is so anemic, they’d need Nolan Schanuel to hit a grand slam just to stay within 1.5 runs.
2. Under 8.5 Total Runs (-110): With Suárez’s sub-2.20 ERA and the Angels’ pitching staff (3.90 ERA), this game is primed to be a pitcher’s duel. The Phillies’ offense is hot, but they’re not that hot.

Why this works: The implied probability of the Phillies covering (-1.5) is ~55% (based on -200 odds), and the Under 8.5 has ~50% juice. Combined, this parlay offers a 27% implied chance to win—but given the Angels’ bats, it’s more likely to succeed than your New Year’s resolution to “finally learn how to parallel park.”

The News: Harper’s Homer Herd vs. Angels’ Hitting Hiccups
Recent headlines? The Phillies are riding a 9-5 thrashing of the Angels, fueled by Schwarber’s grand slam and Harper’s two-run moonshot. Harper’s hitting like he’s got a personal grudge against baseballs—12-for-24 in his last 6 games, with 4 HRs**. Meanwhile, the Angels’ Taylor Ward is their lone bright spot (22 HRs), but even he can’t outslug a wet noodle.

Injuries? None reported, which is surprising. Maybe the Angels’ players are just… naturally bad.

Prediction: Phillies Win, Unless the Angels Summon a Miracle (Spoiler: They Won’t)
The Phillies are the statistical, historical, and literal favorites here. Suárez’s ERA is lower than the Angels’ chance of winning this game. Harper and Schwarber are hitting like they’re on a baseball payment plan (“Sorry, we’ll pay you back in RBIs… maybe next season”).

Final Verdict: Bet the Phillies -1.5 and Under 8.5. If you’re feeling spicy, throw in “Harper Over 1.5 Home Runs” for a three-leg parlay—though that’s about as safe as juggling lit fireworks.

The Angels? They’ll need to invent a way to score runs without using letters of the alphabet. Until then, Citizens Bank Park is about to get very, very loud.

Go Phillies! Or, as the Angels might say, “Go… wait, who are we rooting for again?” 🎬⚾

Created: July 20, 2025, 7:38 a.m. GMT