Parlay: Los Angeles Dodgers VS Arizona Diamondbacks 2025-09-23

Dodgers vs. Diamondbacks: A Tale of Two-Way Traffic and Underwhelming Offenses
By The Sportswriter Who Still Thinks a "Run Line" is a Subway Route

Parse the Odds: The Numbers Don’t Lie (Mostly)
The Los Angeles Dodgers (-176 moneyline favorite) are here to flex their two-way dominance, with Shohei Ohtani serving as both a 3.29 ERA ace and a 53-homer slugger. Meanwhile, Brandon Pfaadt (5.02 ERA) will try to keep the Diamondbacks afloat, but his ERA is about as reliable as a toaster in a monsoon.

Key stats to note:
- Ohtani’s two-way terror: 54 strikeouts in 41⅔ innings and 85 home runs this season. He’s basically a one-man offense with a side of pitching.
- Dodgers’ batting average (.274) vs. Diamondbacks’ .284: Arizona’s offense is slightly hotter, but L.A.’s run differential (+15 in their last 10) suggests they’ll find a way to win.
- Injuries: Both teams have 11 players on the IL, but the Dodgers’ Michael Kopech (knee) and Arizona’s Tyler Locklear (elbow) are minor blips. Neither team’s absence will make or break this game.

The total is set at 9 runs, with the Under priced at -113 (1.87 decimal). Given the Dodgers’ 3.85 ERA and Arizona’s 3.71 ERA over their last 10 games, this feels like a game where both pitchers cling to their ERA stats like a toddler to a security blanket.

Digest the News: Hot Streaks and Cold Pitchers
- Michael Conforto has gone 12-for-20 in his last 10 games with 2 HRs. He’s the kind of hitter who could single-handedly fund a small country if baseball stats were currency.
- Gabriel Moreno (Diamondbacks) has 14 hits in 10 games, including 2 HRs. He’s the rare Arizona bat who doesn’t look lost against Ohtani’s 97-mph heat.
- Brandon Pfaadt is 13-8 on the season, but his 5.02 ERA is about as trustworthy as a used car salesman. He’s the guy you bring in when you need a “meh” performance.

Humorous Spin: Baseball’s Weirdest Bedfellows
Let’s be real: The Dodgers are like a luxury SUV—powerful, reliable, and slightly overpriced. Ohtani is the SUV’s turbo engine and its GPS, both of which occasionally decide to take a coffee break. The Diamondbacks, meanwhile, are a vintage muscle car: flashy (209 HRs), but with a check engine light that’s been blinking since April.

Pfaadt’s ERA? It’s the reason Arizona’s offense needs a hit every time they bat. And let’s not forget the Dodgers’ IL, which is basically a vacation resort for injured players. “Will Smith, we’ve missed your hand! Come back and catch for us!”

As for the total… 9 runs? That’s like expecting a desert cactus to bloom 9 times in a week. Both teams’ pitching staffs are about to engage in a game of “who can hold the lead in a snoozefest.”

Prediction: The Under and the Unstoppable
While the Dodgers’ moneyline (-176) screams “safe bet,” the real gold here is the Under 9 runs. Ohtani’s ERA and Arizona’s pitching staff are both built for low-scoring duels, and the combined Underline reflects a game where neither team feels compelled to break out the fireworks.

Same-Game Parlay Pick:
- Los Angeles Dodgers Moneyline (-176)
- Under 9 Runs (-113)

Why? Because Ohtani will keep Arizona in check, and Pfaadt’s ERA will make sure the Diamondbacks don’t score enough to embarrass themselves. The Dodgers’ offense isn’t that hot, and Arizona’s bats will likely go quiet against a pitcher who’s basically a cyborg with a 3.29 ERA.

Final Score Prediction: Dodgers 3, Diamondbacks 1. A game so low-scoring, the only “HR” will be the stat crew checking if the scoreboard still works.

Bet it like you’re buying insurance against a Brandon Pfaadt breakout. You won’t regret it. 🎲⚾

Created: Sept. 23, 2025, 5:36 p.m. GMT