Create Parlays

Parlay: Los Angeles Dodgers VS Pittsburgh Pirates 2025-09-02

Dodgers vs. Pirates: A Tale of Two Ballparks (and Why You Should Bet on LA to Dominance-ate)

The Los Angeles Dodgers (-180) are set to stomp on the Pittsburgh Pirates (+242) in a matchup so lopsided, it’s like sending a flamethrower to a birthday party. Let’s break this down with the precision of a Kershaw fastball and the humor of a Pirate trying to hit a home run.

---

Parse the Odds: Why the Dodgers Are the Obvious Choice
The Dodgers are 78-59 on the season, boasting a 1.5 HR per game barrage (202 total, 3rd in MLB) and a 5.1 runs per game offense that’s as reliable as a vending machine. Their pitching staff? A 4.08 ERA with Clayton Kershaw (9-2, 3.06 ERA, 58 K in 88 IP) on the mound. Kershaw isn’t just a pitcher; he’s a human octopus who strangles hitters with his 93-mph fastball and a changeup that makes batters question their life choices.

The Pirates? They’re 61-77, hitting a paltry 3.6 runs per game (last in MLB) and slugging .352 (dead last). Their starter, Carmen Mlodzinski (3.86 ERA, 7.9 K/9), is a “meh” pitcher in a league full of “wow.” Worse, Pittsburgh’s bullpen has a 1.32 WHIP, which is like a leaky faucet trying to hold back a tsunami.

Implied probabilities? The Dodgers’ -180 line suggests a 64.7% chance to win, while the Pirates’ +242 implies a 29.4% shot—a gap so wide, you could fit the entire PNC Park roof in it.

---

Digest the News: Injuries and Bench Woes
Both teams have lost key players to the 60-day IL, but the Pirates’ struggles are more dire. Their offense is so anemic, they’d need a telekinesis clinic to hit 8.5 runs. The Dodgers, meanwhile, are healthy enough to field a second team. Shohei Ohtani (45 HR, 85 RBI) and Mookie Betts (.323 OBP) are a 2025 World Series threat in human form, while Freddie Freeman’s .300 AVG is basically a guarantee of “free RBI.”

The Pirates’ “star” power? Oneil Cruz (19 HR) and Bryan Reynolds (68 RBI) are fighting an uphill battle against a lineup that’s hit more grounders than a toddler’s tantrum.

---

Humorous Spin: The Absurdity of This Matchup
- Kershaw vs. Mlodzinski: Imagine a chess match where one player uses a grandmaster AI and the other relies on a Ouija board. That’s this pitching matchup.
- Dodgers’ Offense: If the Pirates’ defense were any more porous, they’d need a net to catch the wind.
- Pirates’ HR Total: They’ve hit 100 homers all season—half what the Dodgers hit in August alone. It’s like bringing a salad to a barbecue.

---

Same-Game Parlay Pick: Dodgers -1.5 & Under 8.5 Runs
Why?
1. Dodgers -1.5 (-200 odds): Kershaw’s 3.06 ERA and the Pirates’ .352 SLUG make this spread a foregone conclusion.
2. Under 8.5 Runs (-185 to -188 odds): The Pirates’ 3.6 R/G and Kershaw’s 3.06 ERA suggest a low-scoring game.

Combined Implied Probability: The parlay’s implied probability is roughly 27.3% (1/(2.0 * 1.85)), but the true chance? Closer to 40%, given the Pirates’ offense is about as explosive as a wet noodle.

---

Prediction: Dodgers Win 5-2, Pirates Eat Humble Pie
The Dodgers’ offense will pick apart Mlodzinski like a toddler with a pizza, while Kershaw will make Pittsburgh’s hitters look like they’re swinging at shadows. The final score? A 5-2 LA win, with the Pirates’ bullpen coughing up 3+ inherited runners.

Bet: Take the Dodgers -1.5 and Under 8.5. If you’re feeling spicy, add Ohtani Over 1.5 HR (-125).

As the great Yogi Berra once said, “It ain’t what you don’t know that gets you into trouble. It’s what you know for sure that ain’t so.” Don’t be sure about the Pirates—they’re not.

Lineup Tip: Stream on Fubo. You’ll regret nothing.

Created: Sept. 2, 2025, 7:37 p.m. GMT