Parlay: Los Angeles Kings VS Utah Mammoth 2025-12-08

Los Angeles Kings vs. Utah Mammoth: A Same-Game Parlay for the Ages
December 8, 2025 — Delta Center, Salt Lake City

Parse the Odds: A Tale of Two Teams
The Los Angeles Kings are the NHL’s version of a well-stocked umbrella stand: sturdy, reliable, and utterly useless in a thunderstorm. Their defense allows just 2.5 goals per game (third in the league), but their offense? A paltry 75 goals on the season (27th). Adrian Kempe is their offensive spark, but even he’s managed just 9 goals. Meanwhile, the Utah Mammoth are the opposite: a team that scores 3.0 goals per game (9th in the league) but lets in 2.9 (20th). Their star center, Logan Cooley, is out after colliding with a goalpost like a toddler at a bounce house. Without him, Utah’s top line is playing with a "handicapped by circumstance" vibe.

The Kings, fresh off a 6-0 shutout, are riding high, but their road success (9-2-4) might crumble against a home team that’s 7-3-1 at the Delta Center. Both teams are power-play duds (13.8% for LA, 14.2% for Utah), so the game could hinge on special teams or a sudden offensive explosion.

Implied Probabilities:
- Moneyline: Utah (-119) is the slight favorite, implying a 54% chance to win. Kings (-101) carry a 50.5% implied probability.
- Spreads: Utah -1.5 (+119) vs. Kings +1.5 (-136). The line suggests Utah is a moderate favorite, but the Kings’ defensive grit makes the underdog spread tempting.
- Totals: Over 5.5 (-112) vs. Under 5.5 (-112). With both teams averaging 5.7 goals combined, the Over is a coin flip.

Digest the News: Injuries, Power Plays, and a Goalie’s Best Friend
Utah’s Logan Cooley is out, and his absence is like telling a pizza restaurant they can’t use cheese. Barrett Hayton steps in, but he’s more of a "sprinkle" than a "cheese avalanche." Coach Andre Tourigny is pleading for simpler plays: "Let’s not juggle the puck like a circus act—just shoot it!"

The Kings? They’re riding a post-shutout high but have scored two or fewer goals in five of their last six games. Their power play, however, has shown life, including a game-breaking goal by Andrei Kuzmenko (who’d been stuck in a scoring slump longer than a snowstorm in Phoenix). Coach Jim Hiller noted the team was "gripping their sticks too tightly"—a metaphor that could also describe Utah’s defensive posture.

Humorous Spin: Puck, Pun, and Power Plays
Utah’s offense is like a bakery toaster: present, but useless without its heating element (Cooley). Their +5 goal differential is impressive, but their defense is a sieve that could pass for a colander at a pasta party. The Kings’ defense? So good, they’ve made Darcy Kuemper look like a goalie who just discovered the concept of "saving a goal."

As for the power play? Both teams are about as effective as a screen door on a submarine. But hey, if the Kings can keep their sticks loose (literally and figuratively), they might finally break out of their offensive slump. Utah’s Karel Vejmelka? He’s the goalie equivalent of a "Do Not Disturb" sign—2.6 GAA and .896 SV%, which is "meh" by elite standards but solid enough to keep this game competitive.

Prediction: The Same-Game Parlay
Leg 1: Kings +1.5 (-136)
Why? Utah’s top line is neutered without Cooley, and the Kings’ defense will smother them like a postgame nap. The spread is generous, but LA’s road prowess and Utah’s offensive hiccups make this a solid underdog play.

Leg 2: Over 5.5 (-112)
Both teams average 5.7 goals combined, and with Utah’s porous defense and LA’s recent power-play spark, the Over is a statistical inevitability. Imagine a game where Utah scores 3, LA scores 3… then someone takes a penalty and poof—sudden chaos.

Final Verdict: Kings +1.5 and Over 5.5.
Why trust me? Because I’m the only handicapper who’s seen a team lose 6-3 to the Sharks and still call it a "learning experience."

Bonus Joke: If Utah wins, tell them their "goal differential is a mirage." If LA covers, whisper, "Remember when defense actually mattered?" Either way, bet on the drama—this game’s got more twists than a Zamboni on a soapbox.

Created: Dec. 8, 2025, 7:38 p.m. GMT