Parlay: Milwaukee Brewers VS Chicago Cubs 2025-10-08

Chicago Cubs vs. Milwaukee Brewers NLDS Game 3: A Postseason Survival Guide (With Jokes)

1. Parse the Odds: The Math of Desperation
The Cubs, facing elimination, are the underdog on the moneyline at +187 (implied probability ~51.5%) across books, while the Brewers (-200, ~66.7%) are the clear favorite. The spread is Milwaukee -1.5 (-2.7 to -2.8), meaning the Brewers must win by two runs to cover—a tall task for a team that’s already won twice but might be gassed from a best-of-five series. The total is 6.5 runs, with the Over priced at -118 to -112 and the Under at -112 to -118.

The SportsLine model projects Quinn Priester (Brewers) for 3.5 strikeouts and Jameson Taillon (Cubs) for 4.5 Ks. Taillon’s Over 2.5 Ks is a “5-star” play, while Priester’s Over 3.5 Ks is a -118 “value.” Meanwhile, Michael Busch (+430) is the favorite to hit a home run—though given the Cubs’ recent offensive output (think “a toaster in a bakery”), this might be a long shot.

2. Digest the News: Injuries, Payrolls, and Existential Crises
The Brewers are a well-oiled postseason machine: balanced offense, deep pitching, and a return to form from Jackson Chourio (hamstring injury? What hamstring?). Their “cliffhanger mentality,” as praised by manager Pat Murphy, sounds like a circus act—except the elephants are hitting home runs.

The Cubs? They’re the team that’s “done, cooked, sliced and diced” per the article—a culinary metaphor for a franchise that’s spent $36.4% of its revenue (3rd in MLB) on a roster that can’t hit, pitch, or field. Their starter, Jameson Taillon, is a “cagey veteran” (read: old and grumpy), and their bullpen is “depth-challenged” (read: a group of guys who tripped over their own shoelaces in spring training).

3. Humorous Spin: The Absurdity of Postseason Hope
The Cubs’ chances of winning three straight? Statistically, 10/90 (11.1%). Emotionally, about as likely as a vegan convincing a steakhouse to go plant-based. Their offense? A group of players who “failed to execute” while Pete Crow-Armstrong “rejected excuses”—a poetic way of saying they’re all terrible at baseball.

The Brewers, meanwhile, have Andrew Vaughn, a former White Sox first-rounder who’s now a “cliffhanger” hero. Imagine: a guy who once hit for the cycle in a video game is now doing it in real life. Meanwhile, Cubs president Jed Hoyer is being roasted for not trading for a competent pitcher—because nothing says “postseason readiness” like a $150 million payroll and a rotation that makes a toddler’s lemonade stand look stable.

4. Prediction: The Same-Game Parlay Play
Best Same-Game Parlay: Brewers -1.5 Run Line + Over 6.5 Runs
- Why? The Brewers’ pitching (Priester’s 3.32 ERA) and balanced offense (Chourio, Contreras, Vaughn) make them a -2.7 spread favorite. The Over 6.5 (-118) is tempting because both teams’ starters are prone to giving up contact (Taillon’s 3.68 ERA vs. Priester’s 3.32). Even if Priester limits damage, the Cubs’ lineup might force extra innings just to make things dramatic.

Bonus Prop: Michael Busch to Hit a Home Run (+430)
- Because why not? At +430, it’s a 1 in 5 chance—roughly the odds of the Cubs winning this series. If Busch goes deep, it’ll be the highlight of their season… and possibly a miracle.

Final Verdict:
The Brewers are the logical pick, but this game is a “morgue” for the Cubs—literally, per the article. Bet on Milwaukee to cover the spread and push the total over 6.5. And if you’re feeling spicy, throw in Busch’s HR prop for a three-leg parlay. Just don’t blame me when the Cubs somehow win 10-9 in 12 innings because Wrigley Field’s wind is a time-traveling DeLorean.

TL;DR: Brewers -1.5 and Over 6.5. The Cubs are done. The math says so. The article says so. Your grandma says so.

Created: Oct. 8, 2025, 4:23 p.m. GMT