Parlay: New Orleans Pelicans VS Chicago Bulls 2025-12-14

Chicago Bulls vs. New Orleans Pelicans: A Tale of Two Sieves
By Your Humorously Analytical Sports Oracle

1. Parse the Odds: A Statistical Car Crash
Let’s start with the basics: the Chicago Bulls are favored by -4.5 points, with moneyline odds of roughly 1.54 (65% implied probability). The New Orleans Pelicans, meanwhile, are so desperate for wins they’ve probably started betting on their own players to spice things up. But here’s the rub: both teams are defensive disasters. The Pelicans allow 126.3 points per game—like a sieve made of Jell-O. The Bulls aren’t much better at 123.9 PPG allowed, which is only slightly less catastrophic.

The Pelicans’ road record is a 1-9 nightmare, including a 15.1-point scoring drop away from home. Zion Williamson’s injury doesn’t help; without him, their offense is a car with one working wheel (and that wheel is Trey Murphy III, who’s averaging 21.2 PPG). The Bulls, though inconsistent, have a "balanced" roster: Josh Giddey (20.5 PPG, 9 RPG, 9 APG—stats so round they could roll away), Nikola Vucevic (the human rebound magnet), and Coby White, who’s shooting better than a caffeinated squirrel at a nut shop.

Key stat: The Pelicans have lost 10 straight road games. If they keep this up, they’ll break the record for “Most Likely to Get Lost in a Parking Structure.”

2. Digest the News: Injuries, Inconsistencies, and a Circus Act
Both teams are missing key players. The Pelicans are without Zion and Dejounte Murray, while the Bulls are missing Noa Essengue and Kevin Huerter. Chicago’s Coby White is questionable, but let’s be honest—this game is already a circus. The Pelicans’ starting five includes Herb Jones (a defensive wizard) and Saddiq Bey (a scorer with a 402-day streak of not being Zion). The Bulls counter with Nikola Vucevic, who’s basically a 7-foot Swiss Army Knife, and Josh Giddey, who’s trying to juggle three roles at once (point guard, forward, and “Why is this game still close?”).

The Pelicans’ recent win over the Trail Blazers (143-120) was less a basketball game and more a dunk contest with a side of mercy. The Bulls’ 129-126 win over Charlotte? A nail-biter so intense, it probably caused a bald spot on the coach’s head.

3. Humorous Spin: When Two Teams Collide in a Points Parade
Imagine this game as a buffet where both chefs forgot to cook. The Pelicans’ defense is so porous, they’d let a whisper score a goal. The Bulls’ defense? It’s like a sieve that’s been told it’s not a sieve anymore.

The total points line is 244.5, which sounds exciting until you realize both teams have a combined average of 235.8 points in similar games. That line is like a buffet that promises unlimited shrimp but only has one shrimp left. The Pelicans’ road scoring drop (106.9 PPG) is so severe, they might need a GPS to find Chicago.

And let’s not forget the Pelicans’ recent dominance in head-to-head meetings: 6 of the last 10 wins, including three straight. But dominance means nothing when your defense looks like it’s been run over by a herd of elephants in tutus.

4. Prediction: Bulls Cover, Under 244.5 for the Win
Here’s the verdict: Take the Chicago Bulls to cover the -4.5 spread and the Under 244.5 total.

Why Bulls to cover? Home-court advantage (6-5 at United Center), a slightly better roster, and the Pelicans’ road struggles. The Bulls’ -4.5 spread is a “win by 5 or lose by 5” scenario, but with the Pelicans’ defense, Chicago should squeak it out.
- Why the Under? Both teams’ defenses are so bad they’d let a toddler score 20 points. The combined average (235.8) is 9 points below the 244.5 line. This game isn’t a fireworks show—it’s a damp sparkler.

Same-Game Parlay Pick:
- Chicago Bulls -4.5 @ 1.91
- Under 244.5 Total Points @ 1.91

Profit Potential: A $100 parlay pays ~$364.91 (if you’re lucky, or a masochist).

Final Thought: This game is less of an NBA matchup and more of a “Who Can Leak Less” contest. The Bulls have the edge at home, but don’t be surprised if the Pelicans pull off a “Zion-less miracle” and make everyone question their life choices. Either way, grab the Under—it’s the safest bet since “not betting on the Pelicans to win.”

Stream it on Betano (use promo code AGMAX, because everyone loves free money). And remember: if you bet on the Pelicans, may your faith be rewarded… or at least your tax deductions. 🏀

Created: Dec. 14, 2025, 6:35 p.m. GMT