Parlay: Ohio Bobcats VS Ohio State Buckeyes 2025-09-13

Ohio State vs. Ohio Bobcats: A Same-Game Parlay for the Ages
Where Football Meets Farce, and the Buckeyes Are the Only Act

1. Parse the Odds: A Statistical Caricature of Dominance
Let’s start with the cold, unfeeling numbers. Ohio State (2-0) is a -28.5 to -29.0 favorite, per the bookmakers, which translates to an implied probability of ~97% to win. Their moneyline odds? A laughably short +102 (decimal: 1.02). For context, this is like betting on the sun to rise tomorrow—but with slightly better payouts. The over/under is 49.5 to 50.5, and given Ohio State’s 70-0 shellacking of Grambling State last week, the "over" feels like a math problem: If a team scores 70 points in one game and allows 3.5 per game, how many points will they score against a defense that allows 324.5 yards per game? Answer: Enough to make your calculator cry.

Ohio’s Bobcats (1-1), meanwhile, are priced at +1900 (decimal: 19.0). That’s the football equivalent of betting on a snowball to survive a campfire. Their quarterback, Parker Navarro, is a "Group-of-Five talent" (read: very good for his league), but even he can’t bridge the gap between a team that scores 17 points per game and a Buckeyes defense that’s statistically more likely to allow a touchdown to a toddler with a football than to let Ohio hang 30.

2. Digest the News: Injuries, History, and the "Rivalry"
Recent news? Ohio State’s star running back, CJ Donaldson, is "recovering from a practice where he tripped over his own shoelaces… and still gained 112 yards." Meanwhile, Ohio’s defense is "recovering from a season where they’ve allowed 324.5 yards per game—enough to make a yoga instructor dizzy."

Historically, this isn’t a rivalry—it’s a mercy rule. In 2019, Ohio State trounced Miami (OH) 76-0. In 2022, they beat Toledo 77-0. Ohio? They’ve scored 59, 52, and 56 points in recent wins… against Akron and Western Michigan. The Buckeyes’ coach, Ryan Day, reportedly doesn’t even care if Ohio is "good or not," per the article. His eyes are on the prize: a national championship. Yours? A parlay that pays off.

3. Humorous Spin: Why This Game Is a Foregone Conclusion
Imagine Ohio State’s defense as a human vault—the kind that stores nuclear codes. Ohio’s offense, meanwhile, is a ragtag circus act that forgot its trapeze. Parker Navarro? He’s a "star" in the same way a glowstick is a "light source."

The spread? -28.5. Ohio State’s offense is so efficient, they could score 28 points before Ohio’s fans realize the game has started. The over/under? 49.5. If you think this total will be hit, you’re either a statistician or a masochist. The Buckeyes will obliterate this number like a toddler with a piñata.

4. Prediction & Parlay: Bet Like You’re Betting on Gravity
Best Same-Game Parlay: Ohio State -28.5 (Spread) + Over 49.5 (Total)
- Why? Ohio State’s offense is a 427-yard-per-game machine with a QB who’s thrown for 432 yards already this season. Ohio’s defense is a sieve that leaks 324.5 yards per game. The math? Inevitable.
- Odds: ~+265 (combining 1.91 for the spread and 1.91 for the over).
- Score Prediction: Ohio State 52, Ohio 13 (per the article’s forecast). Total: 65, Spread Covered: +39.

Final Verdict: This isn’t a game—it’s a Buckeyes coronation. Bet the parlay, then enjoy the spectacle of Ohio State making the Bobcats look like they’re playing football in a hurricane. And if you’re feeling nostalgic, bet the Over 50.5 just to see if the total can hit 70. Spoiler: It can’t. But the Buckeyes’ margin of victory? That’s a different story.

Stream it on Peacock. Watch it with a drink. Profit. 🏈

Created: Sept. 13, 2025, 5:59 a.m. GMT