Parlay: Pittsburgh Pirates VS St. Louis Cardinals 2025-08-28

Cardinals vs. Pirates: A Same-Game Parlay for the Ages
Where the Underdog WearsStripes and the Over/Under Feels Like a Circus

Odds Breakdown: The Math of Mayhem
Let’s start with the numbers, because even in baseball, chaos has a budget. The St. Louis Cardinals (-1.5, implied probability ~52.6%) are slight favorites here, but don’t let that fool you—they’re 4-9 in their last 13 games and currently 6.5 games behind the third wild-card spot. Their starter, Sonny Gray, is a glimmer of hope: 2-1 with a 2.45 ERA in three starts against Pittsburgh this season. But the Pirates? They’ve won five of six, including an 8-3 drubbing of St. Louis just days ago, and their starter, Carmen Mlodzinski, has a 3.89 ERA but looks like a magician compared to the Cardinals’ recent pitching woes.

The moneyline tells a similar story: Pittsburgh (+200) is a classic “bet on the bandwagon” pick, while St. Louis (-250) is the “safe but snoozy” choice. The total is set at 8.5 runs, and given the Pirates’ 8-run first three innings in their last win, this feels like a “bring the popcorn” kind of game.

News Digest: Injuries, Rivalries, and a Time Machine
The Cardinals’ offense is about as effective as a screen door on a submarine. They lost 7-6 on Monday after Alec Burleson’s heroics, but let’s be real—his two-out homer was the only reason they didn’t get swept. The Pirates, meanwhile, are riding a five-game win streak and have outscored the Cardinals 16-3 in their last two meetings.

Pittsburgh’s Braxton Ashcraft, set to start, is a rookie with the arm of a major leaguer and the nerves of a man who’s seen every Cardinals fan’s Twitter rants. St. Louis’ manager, Oli Marmol, might need a time machine to fix his lineup, which has scored fewer runs than a vegan food truck.

Humor: Because Baseball Needs More Laughs
The Cardinals’ offense is like a slow elevator in a skyscraper fire—full of potential, but not great under pressure. Their starter, Sonny Gray, is the only reason they’re not playing for the “Most Likely to Fold” trophy. Meanwhile, the Pirates’ bats are a wrecking ball in a china shop, and their pitcher, Carmen Mlodzinski, looks like he’s been channeling the spirit of Roberto Clemente (but with fewer war stories and more spreadsheet stats).

The total of 8.5 runs? That’s the MLB version of “let’s see how many fireworks we can set off in a single inning.” If you bet the Over, you’re betting on a game where the Pirates’ first-inning barrage will make you question why the Cardinals even brought a defense. If you take the Under? Good luck explaining that to the guy who just hit a three-run homer in the fourth.

Prediction: The Parlay Playbook
Here’s your same-game parlay, folks: Pittsburgh Pirates +1.5 and Over 8.5 runs.

Why? The Pirates have the edge in momentum, having outscored St. Louis 16-3 in their last two meetings. Mlodzinski’s 3.89 ERA isn’t elite, but it’s good enough to keep the Cardinals’ anemic offense guessing. Meanwhile, the Cardinals’ pitching staff is about as reliable as a toaster in a monsoon. If Pittsburgh’s offense can muster another 8-run first three innings, this game will blow the Over like a birthday balloon at a wind farm.

The spread? Pittsburgh’s +1.5 line is basically a “buy low” on a team that’s been playing like the New England Patriots of the NL Central—underestimated, overachieving, and ready to shock you.

Final Verdict: Lay the -1.5 with St. Louis if you’re feeling nostalgic for a team that’s 65-68. But if you want to bet on the underdog story of the century (and a few extra runs for good measure), Pittsburgh +1.5 and Over 8.5 is your golden ticket.

And remember: Baseball is a game of failure. Even the best hitters fail 70% of the time. So if your parlay loses, just blame the universe. Or the Cardinals’ manager. We don’t judge. 🎲⚾

Created: Aug. 28, 2025, 1:23 p.m. GMT