Parlay: St Louis Blues VS Pittsburgh Penguins 2025-10-27

Penguins vs. Blues: A High-Stakes Shootout of Shenanigans
By The Hockey Oracle with a Side of Whiskey

Parsing the Odds: A Numbers Game for the Sensitive
Let’s cut to the chase: This game is a statistical piñata waiting to be whacked. The Penguins (+100 on the moneyline) are the underdog, but their “underdog” status is more of a “we’re carrying a 6-2-1 record but also lost to the Columbus Blue Jackets in a shootout” vibe. The Blues (-120) are the favorites, but their 3-4-1 record feels like a magician’s rabbit—present, but never truly there.

The puck line? Blues -1.5 (+190) and Penguins +1.5 (-235). If you’re betting on the Blues to cover, you’re essentially asking Jordan Binnington to stop being a human sprinkler system. His .872 save percentage this season? That’s the equivalent of a sieve trying to hold water at a pool party. Meanwhile, Tristan Jarry’s stats are a rollercoaster: One start is a 31-save shutout (hello, Shark Week), the next is a three-goal meltdown. It’s like betting on a rollercoaster that sometimes forgets to turn on the safety bars.

The total goals? Set at 8.5, with the Over at -140 (58.3% implied) and Under at +140 (41.7%). But here’s the kicker: These teams have scored 6+ goals in every meeting since the Ice Age. The Over 5.5 goals line is basically a guarantee, unless both goalies team up to form a human wall made of willpower.

Digesting the News: Injuries, Streaks, and Jake Neighbours’ Glare
The Penguins are missing Rickard Rakell, who’s out with a hand injury after what can only be described as a “textbook case of tripping over his own ambition.” His replacement, rookie Ville Koivunen, is basically hockey’s answer to a rookie driver in a Formula 1 race—exciting potential, but also very likely to crash into the wall of defensemen.

The Blues? They’re riding a three-game losing streak that’s making their coach, Drew Bannister, question his life choices. But here’s the silver lining: They’ve got eight players averaging at least half a point per game. Jake Neighbours, the team’s secret weapon, has four points in four career games against Pittsburgh. Imagine if Neighbours was a chef—every time he faces the Penguins, he just hates them and serves up a 7-course meal of goals.

The Humor: Because Hockey Needs More Laughs
Let’s talk about the goalies. Binnington is like a circus acrobat who forgot how to balance—stellar in one game, flat on his back in the next. Jarry? He’s the guy who built a treehouse so high it’s in the stratosphere, but then forgot how to climb down.

And let’s not forget the Penguins’ “Mutant Line” of Malkin, Mantha, and Brazeau. If they’re not scoring, they’re definitely muttering in a foreign language that terrifies defensemen. Meanwhile, the Blues’ depth scoring is like a buffet—there’s something for everyone, even if it’s just a crouton.

The Prediction: Bet Like Your Pension Depends on It
Here’s your same-game parlay, folks:
1. Over 8.5 Goals (-140): With both teams ranking in the top half of the league in xGF/60 and Binnington/Jarry’s goaltending resembling a sieve, this is a lock.
2. Sidney Crosby Anytime Goal: At +125, this is a no-brainer. Crosby’s a 10-time All-Star; he’s the guy who shows up to a picnic and accidentally brings the entire buffet.
3. Pavel Buchnevich Anytime Goal: At +150, Buchnevich has six points in eight games this season. He’s the hockey version of a vending machine—drop a coin, get a snack.

Final Verdict: The Blues (-120) are slight favorites, but this game is a popcorn shootout. If you’re feeling spicy, take the Over 8.5 with Crosby and Buchnevich as your side bets. But if you’re risk-averse, just bet on the Penguins’ Mutant Line to make you cry happy tears. Either way, enjoy the chaos—this game’s gonna be a rollercoaster, and we’re all wearing seatbelts made of hope.

Bet wisely, laugh louder, and may your parlay not end in tears. 🏒😄

Created: Oct. 27, 2025, 11:24 p.m. GMT