Parlay: St. Louis Cardinals VS Los Angeles Dodgers 2025-08-04

Dodgers vs. Cardinals: A Tale of Power, Puns, and Parlays
The Los Angeles Dodgers (-183) host the St. Louis Cardinals (+152) in a matchup that’s less “Game of the Year” and more “Game of ‘Who’s Less Likely to Blow This?’” Let’s break down the numbers, news, and why you should bet the farm on a same-game parlay that’ll make your barista weep into their latte foam.

Parsing the Odds: Numbers Don’t Lie (Mostly)
The Dodgers are baseball’s version of a Tesla on Autopilot: efficient, dominant, and occasionally accused of being too perfect. They’ve won 65 games, slugged their way to a .488 SLG (3rd in MLB), and average 1.5 bombs per game. Their moneyline implied probability? A staggering 61.7% (thanks to those -183 odds). Meanwhile, the Cardinals are the underdog equivalent of a “Buy One, Get One Free” coupon at a loss leader store—charming in theory, but you’ll probably end up with two expired canned peaches.

Key stat: The Dodgers are 58-38 in games where they’re favored, while the Cardinals (56-57 overall) have a “win 28 of 58 as underdogs” record that’s mathematically achievable if you flip a coin… and then cheat the flip.

Pitching? Tyler Glasnow (Dodgers) is a human wrecking ball with a 3.20 ERA, and Sonny Gray (Cardinals) is… well, Sonny Gray. He’s a solid #2 starter, but facing Shohei Ohtani’s “I’ll DH for the AL in the All-Star Game and still hit 40 HRs” energy? It’s like bringing a spoon to a knife fight.

News Digest: Injuries, Shenanigans, and Why the Cardinals Should Pack a Towel
- Dodgers: Shohei Ohtani is so exhausted from his 40-homer, 30-steal season he’s been napping in the on-deck circle. Mookie Betts is still Mookie Betts, which means he’ll do something amazing like catch a ball mid-air… and then trip over his own cleats.
- Cardinals: Brendan Donovan is “recovering from a hamstring injury caused by an ill-advised sprint to first base after a walk.” Willson Contreras? He’s fine, but his marriage to the NL’s best catchers’ mitt is… strained. Rumors swirl that it’s cheating on him with a mitt from a lower division.

Sonny Gray, meanwhile, has been spotted practicing yoga to improve his curveball… and his flexibility during post-game interviews when reporters ask why his ERA is 4.80.

Same-Game Parlay: The Only Bet That Makes Sense
Leg 1: Dodgers to Win (-183 Implied 61.7%)
Why? Because the Dodgers are baseball’s version of a Netflix original series: predictable, profitable, and occasionally accused of being “too perfect.” Their offense is a vending machine—consistent, reliable, and occasionally spits out a free snack (home run).

Leg 2: Over 8.0 Runs (+105 Odds on DraftKings)
Both teams love to swing for the fences. The Dodgers average 5.1 RPG, the Cardinals hit 107 HRs, and the total’s set at 8.0? This isn’t a “low-scoring defensive clinic”—it’s a fireworks show. Glasnow and Gray are solid, but neither is Clayton Kershaw in his prime. Expect a combined 9-10 runs, because baseball hates underdogs and loves to punish them with longballs.

Leg 3: Ohtani to Hit a Home Run (+250)
He’s hit 40 already. If he doesn’t, the baseball gods will personally visit his house and demand an explanation.

Prediction: Dodgers 6, Cardinals 3… Unless Ohtani Hits 2 HRs
The Dodgers win this one, likely by a run or two, while the Cardinals’ “I’ll swing at everything” approach leads to 3 runs and 5 errors. Your parlay? A 61.7% chance to win and a 54% implied probability on the Over (per decimal odds). It’s the sports betting equivalent of a triple-scoop sundae with sprinkles—sweet, indulgent, and slightly regrettable at 2 a.m.

Final Verdict: Lay the -183 on the Dodgers, take the Over 8.0, and throw in Ohtani’s HR for good measure. If you lose, at least you’ll have a great story for your bookie. If you win? Go buy that Tesla. You’ve earned it.

“Baseball is 90% mental… and the other half is Ohtani hitting a home run.” — Your Friendly Neighborhood Handicapper

Created: Aug. 4, 2025, 5:44 a.m. GMT