Parlay: Sydney Swans VS West Coast Eagles 2025-08-23

AFL Round 24: West Coast Eagles vs. Sydney Swans – A Same-Game Parlay for the Ages

Ladies and gentlemen, gather ‘round for a match that’s as lopsided as a kangaroo in a soapbox race: the West Coast Eagles (1-21) vs. the Sydney Swans (11-11). The Eagles, fresh off a 126-32 thrashing at the hands of the Bulldogs, are on track to join the AFL’s exclusive “Wooden Spoon Club” with a 1-22 record—if they don’t trip over their own shoelaces first. The Swans, meanwhile, are circling like vultures, ready to deliver the final blow to their rivals’ dignity. Let’s parse the chaos.

Parse the Odds: A Tale of Two Teams
The bookmakers aren’t just listing the Swans as favorites—they’re mocking the Eagles with odds of $1.13 to $1.17 (implied probability: 53-55%). That’s the statistical equivalent of betting on a kangaroo to hop faster than a sloth. The Eagles, at $4.8 to $5.5, are given a 16-18% chance to win, which is about the same odds as me correctly predicting the weather in Perth by flipping a coin.

The spread? The Swans are -31.5 to -34.5, meaning they’re expected to win by more than a football field’s length. The total is locked at 168.5, with both Over and Under at $1.87. Given the Eagles’ defense (porous enough to let a breeze score a goal) and their recent scoring drought (they managed 32 points against the Bulldogs), this game could swing either way.

Digest the News: A Circus of Desperation
The Eagles are the AFL’s version of a “Chupacabra” — mythical, elusive, and never associated with victory. They’ve lost eight games by 50+ points this season, including that 94-point drubbing to the Bulldogs. Their home crowd? A sea of sympathetic shrugs. “We’re here for the free parking,” they’ll mutter, sipping beers as their team falters.

The Swans, meanwhile, are playing for pride. At 11-11, they’re mathematically guaranteed to finish above .500—if they don’t trip over their own ambitions. Their last win over the Eagles at Gather Round 2024 was a masterclass: Isaac Heeney and Errol Gulden combined for 10 goals, while the defense looked like a swarm of bees with a mission. This isn’t a team that’s just “good enough to win”; they’re good enough to make you question your life choices if you back the Eagles.

Humorous Spin: The Absurdity of It All
Imagine the Eagles’ season as a cooking show. They’re the contestant who tried to bake a soufflé with a blowtorch, set the kitchen on fire, and then blamed the flour. The Swans? They’re Gordon Ramsay’s sous-chef, calmly sautéing confidence while the Eagles’ “recipe” reads: “Combine 21 losses, 1 win, and a dash of hope. Serve with regret.”

The Eagles’ home game is their version of a Hail Mary—a prayer to the football gods that someone, anywhere, will magically gain 100 meters. But let’s be real: This is the team that lost 126-32 last week. If they score 50 points here, the Swans’ defense should sue for emotional distress.

Same-Game Parlay: The Logical (and Slightly Sadistic) Choice
Leg 1: Sydney Swans to Cover the Spread (-31.5)
The Swans are -31.5 favorites. Given their 26-point win in the last meeting and the Eagles’ defensive incompetence, covering this spread is as inevitable as taxes in April.

Leg 2: Under 168.5 Total Points
Here’s the twist: The Eagles’ offense is a deflated balloon. They scored 32 points against the Bulldogs; the Swans, while not exactly the Collingwood Magpies, aren’t exactly the Hawthorn Hawks either. A final score of Sydney 105, West Coast 45 (150 total) would make the Under a lock.

Prediction: The Swans Deliver the Final Kick
The Eagles will put up a fight… by accidentally kicking the ball into the stands. The Swans, with Heeney and Gulden in peak form, will cruise to a 30+ point victory, making this parlay a near-lock.

Final Verdict: Back the Swans to cover (-31.5) and the Under 168.5. It’s the most logical bet since “not backing the Eagles.” Unless you enjoy financial self-sabotage, of course.

“The only thing the Eagles will gain from this game is a new nickname: ‘The Team That Almost Scored a Goal.’”

Created: Aug. 23, 2025, 9:22 a.m. GMT

Parlay: Sydney Swans VS West Coast Eagles 2025-08-23

Same-Game Parlay: The Logical (and Slightly Sadistic) Choice Leg 1: Sydney Swans to Cover the Spread (-31.5) The Swans are -31.5 favorites. Given their 26-point win in the last meeting and the Eagles’ defensive incompetence, covering this spread is as inevitable as taxes in April.

Prediction: The Swans Deliver the Final Kick The Eagles will put up a fight… by accidentally kicking the ball into the stands. The Swans, with Heeney and Gulden in peak form, will cruise to a 30+ point victory, making this parlay a near-lock.

Same-Game Parlay: The Logical (and Slightly Sadistic) Choice
Leg 1: Sydney Swans to Cover the Spread (-31.5)
The Swans are -31.5 favorites. Given their 26-point win in the last meeting and the Eagles’ defensive incompetence, covering this spread is as inevitable as taxes in April.

Prediction: The Swans Deliver the Final Kick
The Eagles will put up a fight… by accidentally kicking the ball into the stands. The Swans, with Heeney and Gulden in peak form, will cruise to a 30+ point victory, making this parlay a near-lock.