Prediction: Atlanta Hawks VS New Orleans Pelicans 2025-11-22
Atlanta Hawks vs. New Orleans Pelicans: A Tale of Two Traumas
By Your Favorite Sports Comedian-Handicapper
The Atlanta Hawks (9-7) and New Orleans Pelicans (2-14) collide in a matchup that’s less of a basketball game and more of a “who’s less terrible?” contest. Let’s break this down with the statistical rigor of a tax auditor and the humor of a stand-up comedian who’s had one too many espresso shots.
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The Hawks are -8.5 to -9 favorites, with implied probabilities of ~80% to win (decimal odds: 1.25). The Pelicans? A ~20% shot (4.1 odds). That’s the kind of gap that makes you wonder if the Pelicans accidentally brought a team of accountants to a dunk contest.
The total is set at 231.5 points, which is oddly high for two teams that combined to score 252 points in their last four games (63 per game!). The Hawks’ offense is 17th in points but 2nd in assists—think of them as a well-dressed toaster that occasionally sparks. The Pelicans? Dead last in offense (109.3 PPG) and 24th in defense (121.8 PPG allowed). They’re like a sieve that also can’t microwave popcorn.
Digest the News: Injuries, Back-to-Backs, and Zion’s Hamstring Tango
Atlanta’s Pain Points:
- Trae Young (knee) and N’Faly Dante (knee) are out, which is like asking a chef to cook without a knife.
- Onyeka Okongwu (questionable) is the Hawks’ defensive anchor, and without him, their frontcourt becomes a Jell-O mold at a earthquake.
- Their defense is a sieve: 15th in defensive rating, allowing 115.7 PPG. Last game? They let the Spurs score 135 without Victor Wembanyama.
New Orleans’ Descent into Chaos:
- Zion Williamson is “day-to-day” with a back-to-back schedule, which is Pelicans-speak for “we’re not sure if our star will show up or if we’ll just mail in a team of interns.”
- Dejounte Murray and Jordan Poole are out, leaving the Pelicans with the offensive firepower of a wet sock.
- Their offense ranks last in the league, and their defense is so bad, it makes a toddler’s sandcastle look fortified.
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The Hawks’ defense is like a sieve that’s been told it’s “not a sieve anymore”—it tries, but it’s just not trying. Their fast break points (6th in the league) are their only saving grace, which is like a broke person’s “emergency fund” (i.e., a sock full of dimes).
The Pelicans? They’re the NBA’s version of a group project where everyone forgot to show up. Zion’s recent 22-point game vs. the Mavs was their lone bright spot—a flickering candle in a landfill. Trey Murphy III is “resurging” (20.3 PPG), but even he can’t turn water into wine, let alone a 2-14 record into a playoff berth.
And let’s not forget the Pelicans’ 8th-ranked offensive rebounding. That’s not a strength—it’s a middle finger to gravity. They’re like a bunch of magnets that refuse to stick to anything but trouble.
Prediction: The Hawks Win by Covering the Spread
Despite the Pelicans’ home-court advantage (Smoothie King Center: where dreams go to die), the Hawks’ superior offensive efficiency (7th in FG%, 9th in 3P%) and defensive depth at center (Porzingis, Okongwu, Gueye) give them the edge. The Pelicans’ reliance on Zion (who’s questionable) and their abysmal defense (-12.5 net rating) make them a sitting duck.
Final Score Prediction: Atlanta 122, New Orleans 113
- Why? The Hawks’ offense will exploit the Pelicans’ porous defense, and their fast break points (6th in the league) will keep the margin healthy. Even without Trae Young, Jalen Johnson (22.3 PPG) and Nickeil Alexander-Walker (career-high 38!) will outshine the Pelicans’ “rotation” (which includes players named “Day-To-Day” and “Intern 3”).
Bet: Hawks -8.5. If you’re feeling spicy, take the Under 231.5—these teams are so bad at scoring and defending, they’ll probably play it safe and… well, still lose badly.
In conclusion: The Pelicans need a miracle, a time machine, and a new general manager. The Hawks? Just need to stop being a sieve. Good luck, folks—it’s going to be a long night for New Orleans.
Created: Nov. 22, 2025, 5:47 p.m. GMT