Prediction: Boston Bruins VS Ottawa Senators 2025-11-13
Ottawa Senators vs. Boston Bruins: A Goal-Fest of Absurdity
Parse the Odds: Implied Probabilities and Statistical Shenanigans
The Ottawa Senators (-173) are the chalk here, with an implied probability of 63.3% to win, while the Boston Bruins (+145) carry just 41.0% odds. That leaves a 15.7% “profit margin” for bookmakers, because nothing says “trust” like skimming 15% off a high-scoring hockey game. The over/under of 6 goals is a tantalizing number, given both teams average 6.7 combined goals per game this season. The “Over” is the clear play here, unless you’re a masochist who bets on Ottawa’s defense, which might as well be a sieve made of maple syrup.
Digest the News: Injuries, Momentum, and Milestones
The Senators are missing Brady Tkachuk (thumb) and Thomas Chabot (upper body), two players who could’ve formed a power-play unit or at least thrown a punch. Meanwhile, Boston’s absences are a cast-wide disaster: Jordan Harris, Elias Lindholm, Casey Mittelstadt, and John Beecher are all out, with Beecher’s “upper body” injury suspiciously similar to what happens when you sneeze into a pillow. Yet, the Bruins have won seven straight games, including a 4-1 thrashing of the Washington Capitals. How? David Pastrnak just hit 400 career goals, which is impressive unless you’re a goaltender, in which case it’s terrifying.
Ottawa’s home-ice advantage is a mixed bag. They’ve scored 3.6 goals per game at home this season, but their defense allows 3.6 goals per game overall—a statistical symmetry that suggests their rink might be cursed. The Bruins, meanwhile, have a +2 goal differential and a 3.1 GAA from Jeremy Swayman, who’s basically a human algorithm in a net.
Humorous Spin: Hockey as a Series of Absurd Metaphors
The Senators’ power play, now minus Tkachuk and Chabot, is like ordering a five-course meal and getting a single crouton. Their shooting percentage (12.2%) is decent, but their defense? Imagine trying to keep a toddler from eating crayons while wearing oven mitts. The Bruins’ offense, led by Pastrnak’s 22 points, is a well-oiled machine—think of it as a chainsaw attached to a Zamboni.
As for the over/under? This game will either be a goal-soaked free-for-all or a last-minute collapse so dramatic it makes The Revenant look like a rom-com. Given that both teams have combined for over 6 goals in 21 of 35 games this season, I’m betting on the former.
Prediction: A Sensational Upset or a Bruins’ Brunch?
While the Bruins’ seven-game streak is as hot as a freshly baked soufflé, Ottawa’s home-ice edge and the Bruins’ injury crisis (they’re missing players named Jordan, Elias, Casey, and John—a boy band’s worth of absentees) tilt the scales. The Senators’ offense, though lacking Tkachuk, has Drake Batherson (17 points) to carry the load, and their 3.4 goals per game suggest they’ll keep the pedal to the metal.
Final Verdict: Bet on the Ottawa Senators 4-3 and the Over 6 goals. If the Bruins pull off an upset, at least there’s the satisfaction of watching Pastrnak score a hat trick while Swayman looks on, stoic as a statue. But hey, if the Senators win, you’ll just laugh all the way to the bank—and maybe throw a maple syrup donut in for good measure.
DataSkrive’s machine learning model agrees. Probably.
Created: Nov. 13, 2025, 5:46 a.m. GMT