Prediction: Chicago Cubs VS Pittsburgh Pirates 2025-09-16

Pirates vs. Cubs: A Tale of Two Offenses (and a Few Pitchers Trying Not to Panic)

The Pittsburgh Pirates (-131) host the Chicago Cubs (+110) in a clash that’s part baseball game, part “will-they-or-won’t-they” food fight. Let’s break this down with the precision of a catcher framing a pitch and the humor of a mascot trying to shush a rowdy fan section.

Parsing the Odds: Why the Bookmakers Are Confused
The Pirates, favored at -131, have an implied win probability of ~56.7%. Historically, they’ve been decent when in this range (50% win rate), but their 48.8% overall moneyline success as favorites suggests they’re about as reliable as a broken umbrella in a hurricane. The Cubs, meanwhile, are 41.5% winners as underdogs—a stat that’s less “confidence” and more “gamblers clinging to hope like a toddler to a favorite stuffed animal.”

The key number here is 7 runs (the over/under is set at 7, with even odds). Given the Pirates’ anemic offense (3.6 runs per game, MLB-worst in runs scored) and the Cubs’ potent lineup (9th in runs, 8th in home runs), this game feels like a chess match where one player has a full set of pieces and the other is playing with a handful of pawns and a knight made of LEGOs.

Digesting the News: Injuries, Form, and Why the Pirates Should Pack a Snack
Pirates:
- Their pitching is stellar (3.87 ERA, 3rd in NL), but their offense is a leaky faucet: 540 runs total, .231 BA. Star pitcher Paul Skenes (1.92 ERA, 203 K) is a human metronome of dominance, but the rest of the team? Let’s just say they’re not exactly the 2022 Astros.
- Starter Braxton Ashcraft has allowed 4 runs in his last six starts. Not great, but also not a cry-for-help performance. Think of him as a decent waiter who occasionally forgets to bring the bread.

Cubs:
- They’re 20.5 games up in the NL Central and have won 4 of 5, including a series sweep of the Rays. Their lineup is a buffet of bats: Crow-Armstrong (28 HRs), Happ (22 HRs, 82 BBs), and Hoerner (.299 BA).
- Starter Jameson Taillon (4.15 ERA) has allowed 4 runs over his last 15.1 innings. He’s not Cy Young material, but he’s also not a human sprinkler.

The Pirates’ recent 8-of-9 loss streak is the sports equivalent of a “hot streak” in reverse. Meanwhile, the Cubs are playing like they’ve already clinched the division and just want to avoid a playoff matchup with the Padres.

Humorous Spin: Baseball as a Reality TV Show
The Pirates’ offense is so lackluster, it makes a “small ball” strategy feel aggressive. Imagine if their hitters formed a support group titled “We Are the Carrots” (because they’re getting eaten alive by pitchers). Their 3.6 runs per game? That’s the baseball equivalent of a text message: short, unimpressive, and unlikely to win any awards.

The Cubs, on the other hand, are the main characters of this story. Their lineup is a Marvel superhero team: Crow-Armstrong is Thor (28 HRs, anyone?), Happ is Iron Man (clutch power and plate discipline), and Hoerner is Spider-Man (he just keeps swinging and somehow sticks the landing).

As for the pitchers? Skenes is the “I’m-too-good-for-this-show” star, while Taillon is the “I-just-need-one-more-chance” underdog. If this were a movie, Skenes would monologue about his journey to greatness, and Taillon would have a tragic backstory involving a lost love named “Strategic Lineups.”

Prediction: Why the Cubs Will Win, Even Though the Odds Say Otherwise
While the Pirates’ pitching staff is elite, their offense is a liability. The Cubs, meanwhile, have the tools to exploit even a mediocre performance from Taillon. The Pirates’ .231 BA is worse than a toddler’s attempts at tic-tac-toe, and their 8.8 K/game rate suggests they’d strike out against a vending machine.

The Cubs’ 727 runs and .249 BA? That’s the difference between “hope” and “math.” Even if Taillon allows a few runs, the Cubs’ bats will likely outpace Pittsburgh’s “I’ll-just-wait-for-a-walk” approach.

Final Verdict: Bet the Cubs (+110). The line is a mirage, and the Pirates’ offense is a mirage squared. This game isn’t about who should win—it’s about who can. And right now, the Cubs can hit. The Pirates? They’re still figuring out how to hit.

“The Cubs win 5-2. The Pirates’ offense retires early.” 🐙⚾️

Created: Sept. 16, 2025, 2:52 a.m. GMT

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