Prediction: Cincinnati Reds VS Oakland Athletics 2025-09-13
Cincinnati Reds vs. Oakland Athletics: A Tale of Toaster Offenses and 51-Year-Old Pitching Marvels
The Cincinnati Reds (74-73) and Oakland Athletics (68-80) meet in a September showdown that’s less “World Series preview” and more “two cars crashing on a wet racetrack, and we’re all in the front seat.” Let’s parse the stats, news, and absurdity to see who might emerge victorious—or at least less embarrassed.
Parsing the Odds: Reds Slightly Favored, But Don’t Bet Your Grandma’s Dentures
The Reds are listed as slight favorites on the moneyline at -1.5 runs (-200 to -225 implied probability), while the Athletics sit at +1.5 runs (+160 to +180 implied probability). The total runs line is set at 9 runs, with odds evenly split between Over and Under.
Brady Singer, the 51-year-old pitching equivalent of a time-traveling ninja, is the Reds’ ace here. His 2.21 ERA over his last nine starts is impressive enough, but the fact he’s defying mortality while the Reds’ offense sputters like a lawnmower in a hurricane is the real story. Meanwhile, Oakland’s offense loses star left fielder Tyler Soderstrom (.275 AVG, 24 HRs) to groin tightness, replacing him with rookie Carlos Cortes (.313 AVG in limited action).
News Digest: Injuries, Breakouts, and a Manager Who’s “Feeling It”
The Reds’ recent loss to the A’s was a masterclass in squandered opportunities: 12 RISP chances, 0-for-12. Their offense is like a toaster trying to bake a soufflé—present, but catastrophically ineffective. Manager Terry Francona’s post-game quote (“I felt a little about it till you said that”) suggests he’s channeling his inner deadpan philosopher, which isn’t helping.
For Oakland, Soderstrom’s absence is a blow, but Cortes steps in as a rookie with the OPS of a caffeinated shortstop (.812). The A’s bullpen, meanwhile, has the precision of a Swiss watchmaker—assuming the watchmaker’s also a relief pitcher who thrives on chaos.
Humorous Spin: Age, Injuries, and the Art of Doing Less
Brady Singer isn’t just a pitcher; he’s a human defying the laws of biology. At 51, he’s older than the Cincinnati Reds’ playoff hopes and yet here he is, tossing quality starts like they’re free samples at a Costco. If he were a car, he’d be a 1985 Toyota Corolla that somehow still runs—if you ignore the smoke coming from the engine and the sound of a tire going flat.
The Reds’ offense? It’s the Baseball Whisperers’ worst nightmare. Going 0-for-12 with RISP is like writing a novel but forgetting to include the ending. They leave runners on base so often, you’d think they’re playing a variation of tag called “Tag, You’re It… But Also Not, Maybe?”
Oakland’s reliance on rookie Carlos Cortes is like letting a kid with a tricycle race against Usain Bolt—except Cortes has hit 3 HRs in 64 ABs this year, so maybe he’s the Bolt of the A’s.
Prediction: Reds Win, But It’s a Miracle, Not a Masterclass
The Reds’ best path to victory is Singer continuing his “I exist in a different timeline” act, holding Oakland’s offense to a pittance while their own bats finally snap out of their torpor. With Soderstrom sidelined, the A’s lack the pop to overcome a low-scoring game.
Final Verdict: Cincinnati wins 3-1. Singer pitches into the 8th, the Reds scratch across a run in the 7th via a sac fly so dramatic it makes The Lion King’s Simba weep, and the A’s bullpen implodes like a soufflé made by someone who misread the recipe.
Why Trust Me? The odds favor the Reds, the A’s offense is down, and Brady Singer is either a wizard or a very old man with a very tight grip. Either way, this isn’t a game—it’s a choose-your-own-adventure where the only good ending is a Reds win.
Place your bets, but maybe leave some cash for gas. Grandma’s dentures aren’t cheap. 🎲⚾
Created: Sept. 13, 2025, 9:18 p.m. GMT