Prediction: Colgate Raiders VS Syracuse Orange 2025-09-12
Syracuse vs. Colgate: A Tale of Sacks, Sieves, and Second Chances
Parsing the Odds: The Math of Mayhem
Syracuse (-36.5) is favored so heavily here, the line reads like a typo from a math student on a caffeine buzz. Converting the decimal odds (1.87 for Syracuse on the spread) to implied probability gives the Orange a 53.5% chance to cover this absurd 36.5-point spread. For context, that’s roughly the same odds as a toaster winning a race against a cheetah. Colgate (+36.5) has a 51.3% implied probability, which is statistically plausible only if we assume the Raiders will invent teleportation and score 70 points in the first quarter. The total line sits at 64.5 points, with even money on over/under. Given Syracuse’s 7.34 yards per pass attempt and Colgate’s defense allowing 71.2% completions, this game could end up looking like a points extravaganza—or a defensive coma. Let’s hope for the former.
Digesting the News: Injuries, Ill-Advised Meetings, and New Coaches
Syracuse’s QB, Steve Angeli, is a paradox: a 60.6% passer who’s also a magnet for sacks (8 in 2 games). Coach Fran Brown’s quote—“he’s being killed out there”—is less a critique and more a call for a defibrillator. The defense? A group that missed eight tackles against Tennessee and allowed nine sacks. If this team were a cheese grater, it’d be the “coarse” setting on a bad day. Meanwhile, the players’ mid-game meeting where they “kicked coaches out of the locker room” sounds less like team-building and more like a workplace revolt.
Colgate, meanwhile, is 0-2 under first-year coach Curt Fitzpatrick, relying on transfer linebacker Connor Phelps and freshman DB Hal Niendorff. Their defense has allowed three touchdowns of 51+ yards this season—imagine a goalkeeper admitting opponents to the penalty spot with snacks. Offensively, they’ve averaged 300 yards passing, which is impressive until you realize their opponents have completed 71.2% of passes for 790 yards. Their defense plays like a sieve that’s been challenged to a sieve competition.
Humorous Spin: The Absurdity of It All
Syracuse’s offense is like a magician who only does card tricks but insists he’s a fire-breather. QB Angeli’s 417-yard heroics against UConn were undermined by two fumbles—because nothing says “trust me” like a quarterback who looks like he’s been told to juggle chainsaws. The defense? They’d let a toddler with a tennis ball score a touchdown. Colgate’s defense, on the other hand, is so porous, they’d make a colander feel like a fortress. If they played chess, their strategy would be to hand the opponent their queen on the first move.
Prediction: The Orange, With a Side of Citrus
Syracuse’s passing attack, led by a QB who’s as error-prone as he is talented, should exploit Colgate’s defensive equivalent of a sieve made of Jell-O. The Orange’s 7.34 yards per pass attempt (vs. Colgate’s 71.2% allowed completion rate) suggests a shootout, though Syracuse’s ability to protect Angeli will determine if it’s a victory lap or a sack-filled nightmare. While the 36.5-point spread is laughably lopsided, a 48-20 final (as predicted by Sports Illustrated) feels plausible—assuming Angeli doesn’t fumble the ball into the stands.
Final Verdict:
Syracuse wins 48-20, covering the spread only if Colgate’s offense decides to take a group nap. Bet on the Orange, unless you enjoy watching underdogs defy logic… and basic arithmetic.
Created: Sept. 12, 2025, 10:23 p.m. GMT