Prediction: Coppin St Eagles VS Central Michigan Chippewas 2025-11-14
Central Michigan Chippewas vs. Coppin State Eagles: A Statistical Slapstick
Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, sports enthusiasts and casual observers whoâve accidentally clicked on this articleâwelcome to a college basketball clash thatâs as lopsided as a pancake on a griddle. On Friday, November 14, 2025, the Central Michigan Chippewas (1-2) will host the Coppin State Eagles (0-4) in a game thatâs already written in statistical ink. Letâs break it down with the precision of a spreadsheet and the humor of a stand-up comedian whoâs seen too many March Madness upsets.
Parsing the Odds: A Tale of Two Teams
Central Michigan enters as a 9.5-point favorite, with moneyline odds hovering around -900 (implied probability: ~90%) on some books. Coppin State? Theyâre priced at +3500 in a few outlier markets, which is about the same odds as betting your in-laws will finally learn to text you instead of calling at 2 a.m. with unsolicited life advice.
The total is set at 142.5 points, which feels optimistic given both teamsâ offensive struggles. Central Michigan scored 75.5 PPG last season (131st in the nation) but allowed 72.2 PPG (191st). Coppin State, meanwhile, averaged a staggering 62.2 PPG (dead last in college basketball) while surrendering 76.4 PPG (301st). Their three-point shooting? A collective toddler aiming a water gunâ32.5% for CMU, 29.4% for Coppin State.
Digesting the News: Injuries, Trends, and Existential Crises
Central Michiganâs most recent loss to South Alabama (66-64) was as thrilling as a nap in a library. Their star, Logan McIntire, dropped 21 points but looked like he was playing with one hand tied behind his back (probably literallyâhis teammateâs shoelaces?). The Chippewasâ home-court advantage is a slight silver lining: they averaged 80.6 PPG at home last season versus 72.1 on the road. Not great, but hey, everyone loves a good âletâs not play in front of our fansâ narrative.
Coppin State? They just got drubbed 100-50 by South Florida, a performance soć¨ that Tyler Koenigâs 17 points might as well have been scribbled in the margins of a napkin. Their offense is a leaky faucet: it might drip a few points here and there, but donât expect a flood. Defensively? Theyâre a sieve. Last season, they allowed 76.4 PPG, which is like leaving your front door unlocked and then complaining about burglars.
Humorous Spin: The Absurdity of It All
Letâs be real: This game is less of a basketball contest and more of a dramatic reading of a spreadsheet. Central Michiganâs offense is a slow drip coffee makerâreliable but never explosive. Their defense? A screen door in a hurricane. Coppin Stateâs three-point shooting is a blindfolded penguin tossing darts at a basketball.
The Eaglesâ recent loss to South Florida was so one-sided, itâs rumored the halftime show included a stand-up comedian roasting the scoreboard. If Coppin State wants to pull off an upset, theyâll need to:
1. Outscore Central Michiganâs offense (easier than convincing a teenager to clean their room).
2. Outrebound the Chippewas (who have the rebounding of a team thatâs never seen a rim).
3. Hope the game clock malfunctions and adds 15 extra minutes of chaos.
Prediction: The Verdict from the Betting Gods
While nothing in sports is certain (ask the 2024 Iowa Hawkeyes), the numbers scream Central Michigan -9.5 as a near-lock. The Chippewasâ home-court edge and Coppin Stateâs offensive ineptitude make this a safe bet for the over/under? Under 142.5, honestlyâthe Eaglesâ defense might finally show up, and CMUâs offense isnât exactly lighting the world on fire.
Final Verdict: Central Michigan 72, Coppin State 58. Unless the Eaglesâ star shooter suddenly discovers gravity, this will be a statistical snoozefest with a side of âwhy are we paying for this entertainment?â
Place your bets, folks. And if you back Coppin State, may your faith be as rewarded as a gambler betting on a team named after a bird. đŚđ
Created: Nov. 14, 2025, 9:46 a.m. GMT