Prediction: Coppin St Eagles VS Navy Midshipmen 2025-12-19
Navy Midshipmen vs. Coppin State Eagles: A Lopsided Lob Story
Ladies and gentlemen, prepare for a basketball mismatch so stark, it’s like watching a toaster try to beat a microwave in a bread-baking contest. The Navy Midshipmen (6-5), fresh off a 25-point explosion from Austin Benigni, host the Coppin State Eagles (2-12) in Annapolis on Friday. The spread? A staggering 19.5 points, and the over/under is a modest 142.5—probably because bookmakers assume half the Eagles’ shots will rim out before hitting the floor.
Parse the Odds: Why Navy’s Rebounding Could Win Them the Game Before It Starts
Navy isn’t just favored—they’re obliterated as favorites. Their second-place Patriot League rebounding average (32.8 per game) is led by Aidan Kehoe, who grabs 9.1 boards per contest. For context, Coppin State allows opponents to pull down 30.5 rebounds per game. It’s like watching a toddler try to hold onto a beach towel at the shore—doofus defense, literally.
Offensively, Navy averages 72.0 points, while Coppin State musters 67.5. But here’s the kicker: Navy’s defense holds foes to 70.6 points per game, 14.3 fewer than what Coppin State allows. The Eagles’ defense is a sieve soaked in sunscreen—opponents torch them for 86.3 points per game. Recent numbers? Navy’s shooting 43.9% from the field; Coppin State’s opponents shoot 37.4%. The Eagles themselves? A惨淡 39.6%. They’re the basketball equivalent of a team that only practices free throws… in a hurricane.
Digest the News: Injuries, Road Struggles, and Why This Is a Math Test
Navy’s recent 61-56 win over Air Force showcased Benigni’s 25-point dominance, a performance so stellar, it made his 16.8 PPG season average look conservative. The Midshipmen are a 3-1 at home, where they average 78.0 points—8.8 more than their road output. Comfort food, anyone?
Coppin State? They’re the team that lost 107-77 to Radford, with Hussain Williams scoring 19 points in a valiant solo effort. The Eagles are 1-9 on the road and 1-12 in games decided by 10+ points. Their scoring differential (-293) is worse than a Black Friday sale at a landfill. For context, Navy’s +31 differential is the difference between a balanced diet and Coppin’s apparent specialty: liquid breakfast for dinner.
Humorous Spin: Why This Game Is Already Over
Let’s talk about the 19.5-point spread. What’s the plan, Coppin? Are you bringing the team bus and letting Navy score however they want? “We’ll just… try to shoot better than a group of toddlers with kaleidoscopes!”
Navy’s rebounding could let them play a second game mid-contest. Kehoe’s 9.1 RPG is like having a human trash can that also doubles as a motivational speaker. And Coppin’s 29.6% three-point shooting? They’re not just bad—they’re the reason the NBA invented the 24-second clock.
As for the over/under (142.5), bet the under. With Navy’s “efficient” 72-point average and Coppin’s “inspirational” 67.5, this game will feel like a snooze-fest. Think of it as a math test: 72 + 67.5 = 139.5, which is 3 points under the total. Profit!
Prediction: Navy Will Win So Badly, Coppin Might Request a Refund
The numbers don’t lie, and neither does the absurdity of this matchup. Navy’s home-court advantage, rebounding dominance, and Coppin’s defensive incompetence paint a picture of a rout. Even if Benigni takes a seat in the third quarter to sip Gatorade, Navy’s depth and size will suffocate Coppin State.
Final Score Prediction: Navy 78, Coppin State 55.
Unless the Eagles somehow invent a time machine to borrow Michael Jordan’s career, this is a coroner’s report, not a game preview. Grab popcorn, folks—this is the sports equivalent of a Monday morning quarterback… who also can’t throw a football.
Created: Dec. 19, 2025, 4:23 p.m. GMT