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Prediction: Coppin St Eagles VS Tennessee Volunteers 2025-11-23

Coppin State Eagles vs. Tennessee Lady Volunteers: A Statistical Slaughter with a Side of Sarcasm

Ladies and gentlemen, prepare for a mismatch so stark it could make a chess grandmaster yawn through the opening moves. The Coppin State Eagles (1-4) trek to Thompson-Boling Arena to face the Tennessee Lady Volunteers (4-1) on Sunday, November 23, 2025. Let’s dissect this game with the precision of a coach’s postgame film breakdown and the humor of a comedian roasting a bad dating app profile.

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Parse the Odds: A Math Problem Dressed as a Basketball Game
Tennessee enters as a 43.5- to 44.5-point favorite, per DraftKings and FanDuel, with totals hovering around 141-142.5 points. These numbers aren’t just steep—they’re Everest with a side of contempt for Coppin State’s existence.

The Lady Volunteers are a scoring machine, averaging 79.8 points per game (55th nationally) while holding opponents to 57.4 (93rd). Their +112 scoring differential is the basketball equivalent of a vampire’s blood-pool advantage. But here’s the catch: Tennessee’s three-point shooting is worse than a toddler’s aim. They’re making 9.0 threes per game (23rd in volume) but at a 26.8% clip (278th). It’s like ordering a pizza and getting 26.8% of it—enough to feel the emptiness, not enough to satisfy.

Coppin State? They’re the definition of “show up, show out, show zero offensive competence.” The Eagles average 61.6 points (265th) and allow 71.4 (283rd), a -49 differential that makes their season feel like a sinking ship with a leaky lifeboat. Their three-pointers? A tragicomedy: 4.2 per game at 24.7% (313th). For context, they make 1.6 fewer threes per game than their opponents. If basketball were a horror movie, Coppin’s offense would be the final girl’s “I should’ve stayed home” regret.

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Digest the News: Injuries, Momentum, and Circuses
Tennessee’s recent 85-41 drubbing of Middle Tennessee was so one-sided, the losing team probably started drafting their resignation letters during halftime. Star players are presumably healthy, though no specific injuries are noted—yet. Let’s assume they’re not tripping over their own shoelaces (yet).

Coppin State’s lone loss this season? A 65-54 defeat to Towson, which sounds less like a basketball game and more like a “Here’s your life, you’re welcome” moment. No major injuries are reported, but their schedule reads like a horror film titled The Never-Ending March of Pointlessness.

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Humorous Spin: When Math Meets Absurdity
Tennessee’s three-point shooting is so inefficient, it makes you wonder if they’re using a blindfold and a slingshot. Imagine a team that’s good at scoring but terrible at the most basic skill in basketball—it’s like a chef with a Michelin star who can’t chop an onion without crying.

Coppin State’s defense? Porous enough to make a sieve blush. They’ll probably let Tennessee’s frontcourt score like it’s Black Friday at the mall. As for the Eagles’ offense… well, if you’ve ever seen a group of people attempt to assemble IKEA furniture, you’ve witnessed Coppin’s scoring potential: confusing, frustrating, and ultimately abandoned for takeout.

And let’s not forget the spread. At -43.5, Tennessee’s line is so steep, Coppin State’s only path to victory involves a 45-point comeback and a mercy rule that doesn’t exist. The Eagles would need to play 40 minutes of basketball while Tennessee’s players take a group nap.

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Prediction: A Foregone Conclusion with a Side of Humility
Tennessee’s dominant scoring and Coppin State’s pathetic defense make this a statistical inevitability. The Lady Volunteers’ inside game will bully the Eagles’ perimeter struggles, and even their abysmal three-point shooting can’t derail a train this loaded.

Final Score Prediction: Tennessee 82, Coppin State 38.

Why? Because Tennessee’s scoring differential (+112) is larger than Coppin State’s entire season of hope. And if you’re betting on Coppin? Well, as the Fanatics line cheekily implies (with a suspiciously generous 51.0 odds), you might as well buy a lottery ticket and a Ouija board.

In conclusion: Bet on Tennessee, unless you enjoy watching a team get outscored like a math test written in Greek. The Eagles’ only chance? Praying Tennessee’s three-pointers keep missing—though even then, 57.4 PPG is still more than Coppin can muster. Break out the popcorn; this’ll be over by halftime. 🏀😄

Created: Nov. 23, 2025, 6:22 p.m. GMT

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