Prediction: Guangzhou Loong Lions VS Minnesota Timberwolves 2025-10-13
The Guangzhou Loong Lions vs. Minnesota Timberwolves: A Preseason Showdown of "Wolves" and "Lions" (Who Definitely Aren’t)
Parse the Odds: A Spread So Wide, It Needs a Map
The Minnesota Timberwolves are favored by 37.5 to 38.5 points across bookmakers, with decimal odds hovering around 1.88-1.95 for the Wolves and 1.88-1.94 for the Guangzhou Loong Lions. Using the formula for decimal odds, the implied probability of Minnesota winning? A staggering ~53-55%, while Guangzhou’s chances hover near ~51-52% (thanks to the vigorish, the math gets wonky, but let’s just say the Lions are the underdogs of underdogs). The total line is locked at 220.5 points, with even money on over/under. For context, Guangzhou lost to the Spurs by 41 points and to the Clippers by 47 points—so this spread isn’t just a bet; it’s a mercy mission.
Digest the News: A Tale of Two Teams (and One Very Tired Lion)
The Timberwolves, fresh off a 1-1 preseason, are desperate for a home win after losing to the Knicks in overtime. Their defense has been… porous, but their offense, led by a healthy Anthony Edwards and Karl-Anthony Towns, has shown flashes of "actual NBA team." Meanwhile, Guangzhou is 0-2, having been outscored by 98 points combined in losses to the Spurs and Clippers. Victor Oladipo, the two-time All-Star now playing for the Loong Lions, has been their lone bright spot (24 points vs. the Clippers), but even he can’t single-handedly offset a team that looks like it’s playing basketball with one hand tied behind its back.
The Timberwolves’ edge? Depth, coaching, and a defense that might actually bother Guangzhou’s inconsistent shooters. The Lions, meanwhile, lack a cohesive identity—like a team that forgot to pack a game plan and brought a GoFundMe instead.
Humorous Spin: When a "Big Cat" Meets a "Pack of Wolves"
Let’s be real: The Guangzhou Loong Lions are the NBA’s version of a screensaver—inefficient, slightly nostalgic, and only active when no one is watching. Their 38-point deficit to the Spurs? That’s not a spread; that’s a mercy rule. As for the Timberwolves, they’re like that friend who always wins trivia night because they cheated and brought a Wikipedia.
The Lions’ best chance? Hiding in the rafters and hoping the Wolves’ starters sit. But with Minnesota’s home crowd howling like, well, wolves, and the bookmakers essentially giving Guangzhou a 37.5-point power-up in their favor, this is less of a game and more of a math test. If the Loong Lions want to avoid becoming the first team since the 1970s to lose by 40+ in three straight preseason games, they’ll need to start scoring like they’re on a 4th of July fireworks budget.
Prediction: Wolves Feast, Lions Nap
The Timberwolves win comfortably, likely by 40+ points, as Guangzhou continues its journey as the NBA’s most polite also-ran. Minnesota’s home-court advantage, combined with the Loong Lions’ apparent inability to defend a stationary target (let alone a fast-break), makes this a lopsided affair. Unless Oladipo has secretly trained his team to play chess on the court, the Wolves are taking this like a toddler takes a snack—immediately and without negotiation.
Final Verdict: Bet on the Timberwolves (-37.5). The only thing Guangzhou will conquer tonight is the dictionary definition of "preseason also-ran." 🐺🚫🦁️
Created: Oct. 13, 2025, 5:31 p.m. GMT