Prediction: Howard Bison VS Drexel Dragons 2025-12-16
Howard Bison vs. Drexel Dragons: A Rebounding Rumble with a Side of Sarcasm
The Howard Bison (7-5) and Drexel Dragons (4-6) are set for a holiday-weekend showdown thatâs less âMarch Madnessâ and more âDecember Doldrums with a Hopeful Twist.â Letâs break this down with the precision of a stat head and the humor of a guy who once bet on a team named the âCleveland Brownsâ (a mistake that haunts me like a bad tattoo).
Parse the Odds: Numbers Donât Lie (Mostly)
- Drexel is favored by 5.5-6.5 points, per the odds boards. That implies a 60-65% implied probability of a Drexel win. But Howardâs +59 scoring differential (76.4 PPG vs. 71.5 PPA) dwarfs Drexelâs meager +4. Thatâs like comparing a loaded cannon to a water gun.
- Rebounding is a dumpster fire for Howard, who ranks 253rd nationally in rebounding (31.6 RPG). Drexel outrebounds opponents by 6.3 boards per gameâimagine having a vacuum cleaner on the court while Howardâs squad tries to catch confetti with a colander.
- Three-point shooting? Howard is a 33.9% team (289th), while Drexel connects on 7.7 threes per game (198th). If Howardâs shooters were in a contest, theyâd lose to a blindfolded toddler with a toy bow.
Digest the News: Injuries, Trends, and Shenanigans
- Howardâs Road Struggles: The Bison are 0-3 on the road this season, including a 61-57 squeaker against Hampton. Their road record is about as reliable as a Wi-Fi connection in a basement.
- Drexelâs Home Cookinâ: The Dragons are 3-1 at home, averaging 77.8 PPG in Philadelphia. Their last loss at Daskalakis? A 69-64 defeat to La Salle. Garfield Turner led that game with 12 pointsâproof that even heroes need a little help (or a better bench).
- Key Players:
- Bryce Harris (Howard): 16.6 PPG, the teamâs lone offensive spark. If heâs on fire, Howardâs a pickâem. If heâs ice-cold? Theyâre a +15 underdog.
- Shane Blakeney (Drexel): 14.3 PPG and 5.2 RPG. Heâs the teamâs Swiss Army knifeâthough heâd probably need a bigger knife to fix Drexelâs porous offense (299th in scoring).
Humorous Spin: Because Sports Analysis Needs More Absurdity
Howardâs rebounding woes are so legendary, theyâve inspired urban legends. Rumor has it their players practice grabbing rebounds with velcro mitts and a prayer. Meanwhile, Drexelâs frontcourt could win a game of Hoops Jengaâtheyâd just stack opponents like blocks and never let them fall.
The over/under is 137.5 points, but SportsLineâs model thinks weâre looking at 146. Thatâs like ordering a âsmallâ pizza and getting a medium insteadâsuddenly, everyoneâs happy. If the over hits, credit Howardâs offense (20.5 PPG from Harris) and Drexelâs defense (132nd in points allowed). Itâs a recipe for a shootout, unless Drexelâs rebounding crew starts teleporting to the glass.
Prediction: The Final Whistle
Drexelâs home-court advantage, rebounding dominance, and Howardâs road jinx make the Dragons the slightly safer bet. But hereâs the twist: Howardâs +59 scoring differential is unreal. If Bryce Harris drops 20+ and Drexelâs offense continues to sputter like a car with a clogged fuel line, Howard could cover the spread and make this a nail-biter.
Final Verdict: Drexel by 7, but only because Howardâs rebounding is about as effective as a sieve. Bet the overâbecause 146 points sounds like a party, and these teams could turn Daskalakis into a hoops-themed carnival.
âIf youâre not in the mood for chaos, maybe skip this one. But if youâre here for the spectacle, grab popcorn and pray someone remembers how to rebound.â
Created: Dec. 16, 2025, 3:40 p.m. GMT