Prediction: Incarnate Word Cardinals VS New Orleans Privateers 2025-12-08
Incarnate Word Cardinals vs. New Orleans Privateers: A Statistical Sausage Fest
Ladies and gentlemen, prepare for a clash of Southland Conference titans—or, as I like to call it, “The Great Rebounding Rumble” vs. “The Perilous Putter-Along.” The Incarnate Word Cardinals (5-4, 1-1 Southland) and New Orleans Privateers (3-7, 0-1 Southland) collide on Monday, December 8, 2025, in a game that’s less “March Madness” and more “January Meh… until the rebounds start flying.” Let’s break this down with the precision of a coach’s whiteboard and the humor of a player tripping over their own shoelaces.
Parse the Odds: Who’s the Statistical King of the Hill?
The betting lines paint a clear picture: Incarnate Word is the favorite, with most books listing them at -1.5 points (decimal odds: ~1.85-1.90) and New Orleans at +1.5 (odds: ~1.90-2.05). The total is set at 148.5 points, with even odds on over/under. Translating this into implied probabilities? The Cardinals are favored to win ~52-54% of the time, while New Orleans’ chances hover around 46-48%. Not exactly a landslide, but enough to suggest the Privateers are the underdog in a game that’ll likely be tighter than a deflated basketball.
Key stats to note:
- Rebounding Dominance: Incarnate Word grabs 35.3 rebounds per game, second in the conference. Their big man, Harold Woods (8.0 RPG), is essentially a human trash can for loose balls. New Orleans? They’re just… human.
- Turnover Troubles: The Privateers commit 13.7 turnovers per game—enough to fill a suitcase and still have room for snacks. They’ve only won when they turn the ball over less than their opponents. Spoiler: That’s not happening here.
- Shooting Efficiency: Incarnate Word shoots 47.9% from the field, outpacing New Orleans’ defense (which allows 43.2% shooting). Meanwhile, the Privateers’ offense? They score 76.5 PPG, which is 2.6 points more than the Cardinals allow. Math lesson: That’s not a lead; that’s a deficit waiting to happen.
Digest the News: Injuries, Anecdotes, and Why New Orleans Should Pack a Towel
Let’s start with the bright side: New Orleans’ Coleton Benson dropped 26 points in their last loss. That’s like a baker making a 26-layer cake… and still losing the contest. Benson averages 16.5 PPG, but his supporting cast? Jakevion Buckley (13.3 PPG, 40.4% shooting) is a solid role player, but the Privateers’ offense is as reliable as a broken umbrella in a hurricane.
On the flip side, Incarnate Word’s Davion Bailey (19.5 PPG) and Tahj Staveskie (18.0 PPG) are a dynamic duo, like peanut butter and jelly—but with fewer carbs and more three-pointers (they average 9.0 made threes per game). Their defense? It’s the reason they allow just 73.9 PPG, a number that makes New Orleans’ -47 scoring differential look like a charity case.
And let’s not forget the Privateers’ home-court advantage: 1-1 at Lakefront Arena. That’s the same winning percentage as a coin flip, but with more sweat and fewer “heads.”
Humorous Spin: Analogies So Bad, They’re Good
- New Orleans’ Turnovers: Imagine trying to fill a bathtub with a sieve. That’s the Privateers’ ball security: water (i.e., points) gushes out, and by the end, you’re just left with a damp towel and a sense of failure.
- Incarnate Word’s Rebounding: If Harold Woods were a vacuum cleaner, the NCAA would ban him for “excessive ball consumption.”
- New Orleans’ Offense: Their scoring is like a slow cooker: It takes forever to heat up, and even then, it’s just… lukewarm mac and cheese.
Prediction: Who’s Cooking Dinner?
The Cardinals’ superior rebounding, defense, and shooting efficiency paint a grim picture for New Orleans. The Privateers’ turnover problem is a death sentence against a team that lives for transition points. Even if Benson drops another 26, the lack of depth and porous defense will leave them gasping for air.
Final Score Prediction: Incarnate Word 73, New Orleans 68.
Why? Because math, my friends. And also because Harold Woods will eat 15 rebounds for dessert.
Bet accordingly—or at least pack a snack for the emotional rollercoaster that is New Orleans’ offense. 🏀
Created: Dec. 8, 2025, 4:17 p.m. GMT