Prediction: Indianapolis Colts VS Cincinnati Bengals 2025-08-23

Colts vs. Bengals Preseason Showdown: A Battle of Benchwarmers

Ladies and gentlemen, gather ‘round for the most thrilling episode of “Who’s That Playing Quarterback?”—a special where neither team’s star players show up, and the plot is “mildly concerning.” The Indianapolis Colts and Cincinnati Bengals meet in Cincinnati on August 23, 2025, for what promises to be a masterclass in third-string football. Let’s break this down with the precision of a robo-bettor on Red Bull.

Parsing the Odds: A Math Class You Didn’t Ask For
The betting lines tell a story of cautious optimism for the Bengals (-1.5 to -2.5 spread) and a “pick ’em” moneyline (Bengals -120, Colts +100). Translating that into human terms: the Bengals are slight favorites, but not by much—like being told you’re the “most likely to succeed” at a high school reunion. The total is locked at 36.5 points, with the under being the recommended bet. Why? Because these teams have combined for 36 points in the preseason so far (Colts: 13, Bengals: 23), and neither wants to waste bullets on a game that’s basically a tryout for the 53-man roster.

The implied probabilities? The Bengals have a ~55% chance to win (based on -120 odds), while the Colts hover around 50%. In betting terms, this is like flipping a coin while wearing a Bengals jersey.

Digesting the News: Injuries, Quirks, and QB Confusion
The Colts are starting Riley Leonard, a sixth-round rookie who’s basically the NFL version of “that guy you nod at in Zoom meetings.” He’ll hand the ball to Jason Bean in the second half—a QB tandem so unproven, it could make a die-hard fan reach for their emergency stress ball. Meanwhile, the Bengals will split time between Jake Browning (a former starter with a “mystery arm” injury) and Desmond Ridder (a rookie whose highlight reel includes a Hail Mary that once startled a seagull).

Key stat: The Colts have scored 13 total points in the preseason. The Bengals? 23, despite Joe Burrow being on vacation (or, as he called it, “avoiding the NFL’s new smelling salts ban”). Baker Mayfield’s recent rant about adapting to the smelling salts ban is the only real drama here—though let’s be honest, Baker’s drama is the main event.

Humorous Spin: The Circus Comes to Paycor Stadium
Let’s set the scene: The Bengals’ offense is like a toddler with a pizza cutter—occasionally dangerous, mostly messy. The Colts’ defense? A sieve that’s been upgraded to a colander. Together, they’ll create a game that feels like watching two kindergartens play chess… with a time limit.

Riley Leonard is the NFL’s version of a “try-hard” in a college class—earnest, underwhelming, and praying he doesn’t get called on in pop quizzes (i.e., third down).
- Desmond Ridder could throw a 50-yard strike… or a 5-yard interception. It’s a 50-50 proposition, folks.
- The Bengals’ 23 preseason points are about as impressive as a toaster oven that can “technically” make a soufflé.

And let’s not forget the roster cuts looming like a bad buffet: Both teams need to trim 37 players by August 26. This game is less about winning and more about “Don’t Let Joe Burrow’s Water Bottle Get Thrown in the Trash.”

Prediction: A Game for the Ages (If You’re Into Bench Depth)
In the end, the Bengals’ slightly deeper bench—plus their ability to score 10 more points than the Colts in the preseason—gives them a slim edge. Expect a final score like 13-10 Bengals, a game so low-scoring it’ll make you question whether the referees are playing “keep away.”

Final Verdict: Take the Bengals -1.5 and a side of existential dread. The under is your friend here—unless you’re a Colts fan, in which case your friend is a therapist.

As Baker Mayfield would say: “Adapt or get owned. Also, where’d my smelling salts go?”

Now go enjoy the circus. Or don’t. The halftime show is a tie. 🏈

Created: Aug. 23, 2025, 5:04 p.m. GMT

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