Prediction: Los Angeles Kings VS Dallas Stars 2025-10-23
Los Angeles Kings vs. Dallas Stars: A Tale of Two Toaster Offenses
The Los Angeles Kings and Dallas Stars are set to clash in a game that promises the excitement of a tax audit and the scoring pace of a glacier. Both teams have offensives that could make a vegan wince—Kings averaging a paltry 2.57 goals per game (7th worst in the NHL) and the Stars scoring a combined five goals in their last three games, including one in each of the last two. It’s like watching two chefs try to cook a five-star meal with only a toaster and a single bag of frozen waffles.
Odds & Implied Probabilities
The moneyline has the Stars as heavy favorites at -161 (implied probability: 61.9%) and the Kings at +130 (38.1%). For context, the Kings would need to win roughly 40% of the time to make this line fair, but their recent form—ending a four-game skid with a 2-1 overtime win—suggests they’re more likely to play chess with the puck than checkers. The puck line (-1.5 for Dallas, +1.5 for LA) reflects the Stars’ slight edge, but given their offensive struggles, betting on them to cover might be like asking a mime to explain quantum physics. The Under 5.5 total is a +100 favorite, and with both teams combining for a projected 4.5 goals (give or take a coffee spill), this is the safest bet since “not betting on the Toronto Maple Leafs to score a hat trick.”
Injury Report: A Hall of Fame Absences
The Kings are missing Anže Kopitar, their captain and emotional leader, who’s sidelined with a foot injury. Without him, LA’s offense is like a symphony missing its conductor—confusing, chaotic, and likely to end with someone playing the triangle aggressively. The Stars aren’t faring better: Jamie Benn (their emotional engine) and Matt Duchene (mystery injury) are out, leaving them with the offensive firepower of a team that forgot to pack bullets. It’s a “who’s who” of absences, and if hockey had a Hall of Shame for injured stars, this game would get a lifetime membership.
Goalie Showdown: Darcy vs. Jake, or Why You Should Never Trust a Goaltender Named After a Car Part
Darcy Kuemper and Jake Oettinger are two of the NHL’s elite netminders, which is both a blessing and a curse for fans hoping for goals. Kuemper, who finally earned his first win in four starts, is the human equivalent of a fire extinguisher—unflappable and ready to put out chaos. Oettinger, meanwhile, has a .925 save percentage this season, which is impressive enough to make a librarian blush. Together, they form a goaltending duo that could turn this game into a 1-0 shutout… or a 2-1 overtime snoozer. Either way, you’ll be thanking them for not letting the Under 5.5 total blow up in your face.
The Verdict: Under 5.5, Please
While the moneyline suggests the Stars should win, their offensive futility (1 goal in two of their last three games) and the Kings’ inexplicable ability to rally from multi-goal deficits make this a toss-up. But here’s the kicker: Both teams have hit the Under in 47 of LA’s last 88 games, and Dallas isn’t exactly lighting the lamp these days. The Under 5.5 is the golden ticket here. Imagine the Stars and Kings combining for four goals—a total so low it could make a statistician cry.
Bonus Props & Parlays
- Adrian Kempe (Kings) 1+ Assists: Kempe’s having the best start of his career, and with Kopitar out, he’ll likely be handed the keys to the Kings’ broken toaster.
- Mikko Rantanen (Stars) 1+ Points: Rantanen’s a magician with the puck, but even he can’t turn lead into gold… or a 1-goal game into a 5-goal rout.
Final Prediction
This game will be a defensive masterclass, with both teams trading body checks like they’re at a Black Friday sale. The final score? Dallas 2, LA 1. A low-scoring thriller where the real winner is whoever bet the Under. As for the Kings, they’ll keep playing hockey like they’re on a mission to prove that “slow and steady” really is the NHL’s new rock star.
Bet the Under 5.5 at +100. Unless you want to watch a 3-2 shootout, in which case… good luck, and may the puck gods have mercy on your soul.
Created: Oct. 24, 2025, 3:41 a.m. GMT