Prediction: Mercyhurst Lakers VS Iowa State Cyclones 2025-11-23
WNCAAB Showdown: Iowa State Cyclones vs. Mercyhurst Lakers â A Lopsided Love Story
Ladies and gentlemen, prepare for a basketball mismatch so stark, itâs like watching a heavyweight champion spar with a toddlerâs training wheels. On Monday, November 23, 2025, the No. 16 Iowa State Cyclones (4-0) host the Mercyhurst Lakers (3-3) in Las Vegas, and the numbers donât just favor Iowa Stateâthey embarrass Mercyhurst. Letâs break this down with the precision of a spreadsheet and the humor of a coach whose team just lost to a community college.
Parsing the Odds: A Math Problem for the Ages
Iowa State is a 55.5-point favorite per Fanatics, with DraftKings cranking it up to 57.5 points. For context, thatâs like betting on a tortoise to beat Usain Bolt in a sprintâexcept the tortoise gets a jetpack, and Usain has to sprint in molasses. The implied probability of Iowa State winning by 55+ points? Practically 100% (per Fanaticsâ absurd -55.5 line, where youâd get no profit if you bet on themâjust your money back, like a sportsbook version of a âfreeâ sample at the grocery store). Mercyhurstâs +55.5 line gives them a 1.96% chance to cover, which is statistically more likely than me winning the lottery⌠if I buy no tickets.
The total points line sits at 135.5â138.5, but hereâs the rub: Iowa Stateâs offense last season averaged 80.3 PPG, while Mercyhurstâs offense (per their Marshall game) averages 70.8 PPG. Combined, thatâs 151 pointsâ5.3 points above the bookmakersâ total. Yet opponents of both teams averaged 145.6 PPG, which is⌠confusing. Is this a game or a dunk contest?
Digesting the News: Star Players and Quirky Quips
Iowa State enters 4-0, having trampled opponents with a 37.3 PPG in the paint and 19.4 PPG off turnovers. Theyâre the basketball equivalent of a Roombaârelentless, efficient, and impossible to stop once they get going. Mercyhurst? Well, their road record (1-3) and defensive stats (per their Marshall game: allowing 81.6 PPG) suggest theyâre the sports version of a sieve. If their defense were a soup, itâd be âstrainer-freeâ soup.
As for injuries? No major updates, but letâs imagine a Mercyhurst player tripped over their own shoelaces during practice. Not a real injury, but a metaphorical one. Their chances of pulling this off are about as likely as me understanding quantum physics: possible in theory, impossible in practice.
Humorous Spin: When the Spread Speaks Volumes
Letâs talk about that 55.5-point spread. Itâs so lopsided, it makes the Super Bowlâs âpick âemâ games look like a 50-50 coin flip. If this were a dating app, Iowa State would have 10,000 matches and Mercyhurst would be stuck swiping right, hoping for a âmaybe.â
The total points line? A 135.5 thatâs practically a dare. If Iowa State scores 80 and Mercyhurst scores 40, thatâs 120âstill 15.5 points under. The bookmakers mustâve forgotten to adjust their calculators.
Prediction: A Foregone Conclusion with Flair
Look, this isnât a gameâitâs a math test. Iowa Stateâs offense is a well-oiled machine, and Mercyhurstâs defense is a leaky faucet. The Cyclones will dominate the paint, force turnovers like a parent at a buffet, and leave the Lakers gasping for air.
Final Verdict: Bet the Over if you really want to see Iowa State score 80 points (though theyâll probably hit 90). But for the spread? Iowa State -55.5 is as safe as leaving your keys in a âFind Something Lostâ Facebook group. Mercyhurstâs best bet is to bring a white flag⌠and maybe a sense of humor.
âTheyâre not just playing basketball; theyâre illustrating the concept of âfavoredâ in the dictionary.â đđĽ
Created: Nov. 23, 2025, 6:17 p.m. GMT