Prediction: Miami Dolphins VS Chicago Bears 2025-08-10

Chicago Bears vs. Miami Dolphins Preseason Showdown: A Tale of Training Wheels and QB Juggernauts

Ladies and gentlemen, buckle up for a preseason clash that’s less “Super Bowl” and more “let’s see if the starters don’t trip over their own feet.” The Chicago Bears (-2.5) host the Miami Dolphins on August 10th, and if the odds are to be believed, the Bears are the slightly more reliable bet than a toaster in a bakery. Let’s break it down with the precision of a NFL film analyst and the humor of a stand-up comic who’s seen one too many fumbles.

Odds & Implied Probabilities
The Bears are favored at decimal odds of ~1.71 (implied probability: ~58.8%), while the Dolphins sit at ~2.20 (~45.5%). That 13% gap isn’t huge, but it’s enough to suggest bookmakers view Chicago’s new coaching staff and offensive tweaks as less of a “clusterfluff” and more of a “functional Rube Goldberg machine.” The total line hovers around 36.5 points, meaning this won’t be a track meet—think of it as two turtles racing on a Slip ‘N Slide.

Team News: Injuries, QB Battles, and Left Tackle Shenanigans
The Bears are essentially using this game as an extended training camp. Their offense has been a “work in progress” (read: a leaky faucet that occasionally sprays water everywhere). Coach Bruce Johnson is less than thrilled with their penalty issues, which have made the team look like a group of toddlers in a LEGO factory. Meanwhile, the left tackle battle between Ozzy Trapilo and Braxton Jones is entering its “final round of charades,” and someone better win because the Bears’ offensive line is currently about as impenetrable as a sieve.

The Dolphins, on the other hand, are auditioning quarterbacks. Third-string QB Quinn Ewers, a seventh-round gem, has been throwing “clutch passes downfield” in practices—impressive, unless you’re a realtor in Miami looking to sell houses to NFL players. Tua Tagovailoa has called Ewers “a baller,” which is high praise unless you’re Tua’s exasperated trainer, begging him to stop saying rhymes. Still, Miami’s QB depth chart is a circus, and Ewers is the acrobat trying to not drop the torch (or the ball).

Humor: The Absurdity of Preseason
Let’s be real: this game is as competitive as a game of Calvinball. The Bears’ defense has been “aggressive” in camp, which is code for “they’re hitting people so hard, the guys on offense are probably still recovering in a nap pod.” But can they translate that to game action? Only if they stop penalizing themselves more than a vegan at a BBQ contest.

As for the Dolphins, their QB situation is a soap opera. Ewers is out there trying to prove he’s not just a “practice field hero,” which is like trying to prove you can survive a zombie apocalypse with only a toothpick and a dare. And let’s not forget the Bears’ running backs, who get to showcase their “physicality” in live play—assuming they don’t trip over their own momentum like a man on a treadmill who forgot how to walk.

Prediction: Bears Win, But Not Without Drama
While the Dolphins’ QB competition adds intrigue, the Bears’ home-field advantage (read: “we’re not tripping over Miami’s playbook”) and the bookmakers’ implied probabilities tilt the scales. Chicago’s defense, though leakier than a colander, has shown enough aggression to harass Miami’s unproven QBs. The Bears’ offense? Well, they’re not exactly the 1995 Dallas Cowboys, but they should avoid the “penalty parade” long enough to scrape out a win.

Final Verdict: Bet on the Bears to cover the -2.5 spread, but keep a fire extinguisher handy just in case. After all, preseason games are like fireworks—spectacular, unpredictable, and occasionally a controlled explosion.

Go Bears, and may your penalties be few, your tackles be left, and your training wheels be forever removed. 🏈🔥

Created: Aug. 4, 2025, 2:39 p.m. GMT

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