Prediction: Milwaukee Brewers VS St. Louis Cardinals 2025-09-20
Brewers vs. Cardinals: A Tale of Two Pitchers and a Magic Number
The Milwaukee Brewers, baseball’s version of a well-oiled cash register (94-59, NL Central champions in all but name), face the St. Louis Cardinals (74-79) on September 20, 2025, in a game that’s less “competition” and more “formality with a side of hope.” Let’s break this down with the statistical precision of a spreadsheet and the humor of a ballpark hotdog vendor.
Parse the Odds: The Math of Mediocrity vs. Excellence
The Brewers are -124 favorites, implying a 55.6% chance to win (per the American odds formula: 100/(124+100)). For the Cardinals (+104), their implied probability is 49.5% (100/(100+104)), but let’s be real—this is St. Louis’s best shot at pulling off an upset since their 2004 “Let’s trade Albert Pujols for a bag of peanuts” era.
Historically, Milwaukee thrives when favored: 65.2% win rate (58-31) in such scenarios. The Cardinals? They’re 47.1% as underdogs (23-35), which is about as reliable as a WiFi signal in a submarine.
Key stat contrast: The Brewers hit 162 home runs (19th in MLB) while the Cardinals muster a paltry 142 (28th). If the Cards’ offense were a coffee shop, it’d close at 8 AM.
Digest the News: Chad Patrick vs. Miles Mikolas – The Good, the Bad, and the “Why So Serious?”
Milwaukee’s Chad Patrick (3-8, 3.64 ERA): A pitcher with a win-loss record like a lottery ticket but an ERA that whispers, “I’ll keep the opposition in check, probably.” His 116 strikeouts in 111 innings are solid, though his 3-8 record suggests he’s the MLB’s version of a “meh” emoji.
St. Louis’s Miles Mikolas (8-10, 4.80 ERA): A once-dominant arm now resembling a slow leaky faucet. His 5.7 strikeouts per nine innings are so low, you’d think he’s pitching to a room full of accountants. For context, Brewers starter Patrick strikes out more batters in a game than Mikolas does in three.
Injuries? Milwaukee’s Trevor Megill and José Quintana are on the IL, but the team’s 3.60 ERA (second-best in MLB) and .261 team average make you wonder if they’re just winning despite their pitchers, not because of them. The Cardinals? Their 4.29 ERA and .244 average are the baseball equivalent of a “Do Not Disturb” sign.
Humorous Spin: Because Baseball Needs More Laughs
- Mikolas’ ERA (4.80): If a Cardinals batter scores, Miles probably high-fives them on the way to the dugout.
- Cardinals’ offense: They hit 142 home runs—about as often as a toddler says “thank you.”
- Brewers’ Christian Yelich (29 HRs, 100 RBI): If he were a cheeseburger, it’d say “All Meat, No Filler” on the box.
- The Over/Under is 7.5 runs: Given Milwaukee’s 5.1 R/G and St. Louis’ 4.3 R/G, this game’s likely to be as explosive as a wet firework.
Prediction: The Magic Number is Literally Magic
The Brewers are six games up in the division, own a 3.60 ERA (second in MLB), and field a lineup that slugs .409 (think “weaker than a vampire in sunlight” but for hitters). The Cardinals, meanwhile, strike out 8.1 times per game and have a 21st-ranked ERA.
Chad Patrick may not have the flashiest resume, but his 3.64 ERA is twice as good as Mikolas’ 4.80. Even if Patrick’s 3-8 record makes him the sports world’s version of a “meh” sandwich, the Brewers’ offense will likely do the heavy lifting.
Final Verdict: Milwaukee wins 6-3, clinching the NL Central with a performance so dominant, the Cardinals’ bench will ask for a refund on their optimism. Bet the Brewers at -124—unless you enjoy watching your money evaporate like a puddle in a sauna.
“The magic number is three… and the Cardinals’ hope is already at zero.” 🍻⚾
Created: Sept. 21, 2025, 1 a.m. GMT