Prediction: Portland State Vikings VS Hawaii Rainbow Warriors 2025-09-13
Hawaii vs. Portland State: A Tale of Toaster Offenses and Kicking Perfection
Letâs parse the numbers first, shall we? The odds are as clear as a post-game press conference after a blowout. Hawaii is favored by 20.5 points across most books, with decimal odds hovering around 1.62 to 1.87 (implied probability: 54-62%). Portland State, meanwhile, is a +20.5 underdog with odds of 2.22 to 2.5 (implied probability: 44-45%). The total line sits at 26.5-27.5 points, with âUnderâ getting better value at most books. Given Hawaiiâs kicker, Kansei Matsuzawa, has gone 8-for-8 on field goals this season (a 100% clip that makes a slot machine look fickle), youâd think the Under is a no-brainer. But letâs not get ahead of ourselves.
Parsing the News: QBs, Kicks, and a 23-Year Curse
Hawaiiâs Luke Weaver is the star of the show, filling in for the ailing Micah Alejado. Last week, Weaver threw for 294 yards and 3 TDs, looking less like a backup and more like a guy who just discovered the âpassâ button in a video game. The Rainbow Warriors are 2-1 this seasonâtheir first winning start under coach Timmy Changâand have a 23-0 streak against FCS opponents since a 2000 upset loss to Portland State. For context, that streak includes a 49-35 thrashing of the Vikings in 2021, a game where PSUâs offense probably questioned their life choices mid-game.
Portland State, on the other hand, is a football version of a broken toaster. After a 69-0 loss to BYU to open the season, the Vikings are 0-3, averaging a paltry 6.7 points per game and 3.5 yards per play. Their offense has scored one touchdown total this year, and their kicker has missed all three field-goal attempts. Their starting QB, John-Keawe Sagapolutele (pronounced: fun to say, harder to spell), faces a daunting task against a Hawaii defense thatâs been stingier than a squirrel hoarding acorns.
Coach Bruce Barnum of PSU recalled battling COVID-19 protocols last season, but this yearâs woes feel more like a skeletal crew of football players trying to win a game of Red Light, Green Light. As for Hawaiiâs Timmy Chang, heâs got a 23-year chip on his shoulder since that 2000 loss to PSU. âThat was 25 years ago,â he joked. âYou want a 25-year-old memory? Thatâs Sean McVay!â (Note: McVay is 36. Math is hard.)
The Humor: Football, FCS, and Futility
Letâs be real: Portland Stateâs offense is like a snail on a treadmillârelentless in effort, tragic in outcome. Their 69-0 loss to BYU wasnât just a game; it was a BYU highlight reel thatâll haunt PSU fans for decades. And their kicker? If missing three field goals were an Olympic sport, heâd be gold-medal material.
Hawaiiâs kicker, Matsuzawa, meanwhile, is a money-making machine. Eight straight makes? Thatâs the kind of consistency that makes you wonder if heâs secretly a robot with a laser-guided foot. Weaverâs 294-yard performance? Just another Tuesday for him.
As for the 20.5-point spread, itâs as if the bookmakers said, âHey, letâs give PSU a 20-point head start⊠and then still favor Hawaii.â Itâs the football equivalent of letting someone wear a 20-pound backpack before a race.
Prediction: A Rainbow in the Night
Hawaiiâs offense is clicking, their defense is suffocating, and their kicker is a one-man special teams unit. Portland Stateâs struggles are⊠well, theyâre the reason the FCS exists. With Weaver under center and Matsuzawa nailing every kick, the Rainbow Warriors should cruise to a 35-10 victory, easily covering the 20.5-point spread.
Final Verdict: Bet Hawaii, unless you enjoy watching toasters try to score touchdowns. The only thing Portland State will score today is sympathy points. đđ„
Created: Sept. 14, 2025, 6:41 a.m. GMT