Prediction: Rider Broncs VS Merrimack Warriors 2025-12-04
Rider Broncs vs. Merrimack Warriors: A Statistical Slaughter or a Last-Minute Miracle?
Parse the Odds: The Numbers Don’t Lie (And Neither Will Merrimack’s Defense)
Let’s cut to the chase: the Merrimack Warriors are favored by 9.5 points, a line so steep it makes a hockey hill look flat. Converting the decimal odds (1.2 for Merrimack, 5.0 for Rider) into implied probabilities tells a story of despair for Rider fans: Merrimack’s implied chance to win is 83%, while Rider’s? A paltry 17%. It’s like betting on a sloth to outrun Usain Bolt—mathematically possible, but only if Bolt trips over his own shoelaces.
Statistically, Merrimack’s defense is a leaky bucket with a PhD in psychology. They allow opponents to shoot 43.8% from the field, which is exactly the number Rider’s defense permits. Wait—that’s a strength? No, it’s a stalemate! But here’s the twist: Merrimack’s offense shoots a dismal 36.7% FG, meaning they’re like a restaurant that serves terrible food but keeps the health inspector out with a bribe. Meanwhile, Rider’s offense is so bad at three-point shooting (24.1% for Aasim Burton) that they’d struggle to score on a basketball hoop mounted on a moving treadmill.
Digest the News: Injuries, Home-Court Magic, and a Side of Sadness
Merrimack recently defeated La Salle 66-60, with Ernest Shelton dropping 17 points like a gentle snowfall in July. Rider, meanwhile, lost to Coppin State 68-65, with Zion Cruz scoring 18 points—but—it’s the kind of win (for Coppin State) that makes you check your TV to see if it’s paused.
Merrimack’s 1-0 home record is as reliable as a baker’s oven, while Rider’s 0-4 road mark is about as effective as a screen in a pickup game—ignored, ridiculed, and occasionally elbowed. The Warriors’ home court, Lawler Arena, is a fortress where the crowd’s decibel level probably exceeds the team’s scoring output.
Humorous Spin: When Basketball Meets Absurdity
Rider’s three-point shooting is so inefficient, it’s like trying to fill a bathtub with a teaspoon during a drought. They average 4.2 threes per game—fewer than the number of times a decent NBA team practices free throws. Merrimack, on the other hand, allows just 6.0 threes per game, which is like building a moat around their castle and hiring a knight named Sir Block to guard the drawbridge.
Speaking of knights, Ernest Shelton is Merrimack’s Excalibur, slicing through defenses with 16.6 PPG on 41% shooting. Aasim Burton, Rider’s star, is more of a rusty spoon—11.5 PPG but 24.1% from deep. If basketball had a “Most Likely to Be Traded for a Bag of Grits” award, Burton would be the front-runner.
Prediction: The Verdict Is In, and It’s Not a Close One
Merrimack’s home-court advantage, defensive grit, and ability to stifle Rider’s anemic three-point attack make them the clear choice. The Warriors’ 9.5-point spread is generous, but given Rider’s road struggles (-18.8 PPG differential) and Merrimack’s ability to keep games close offensively (they’re 1-5 in games decided by 10+ points), expect a cover here.
Final score? Let’s say Merrimack 72, Rider 60—if the Broncs suddenly develop the ability to shoot better than a coffee machine brewing decaf. Bet on Merrimack, unless you enjoy the thrill of watching a team turn a 9.5-point lead into a two-point “W” via technical fouls and missed free throws.
Line courtesy of BetMGM: Take the Warriors -9.5. And maybe take an aspirin afterward—it’s going to be a one-sided classic. 🏀
Created: Dec. 4, 2025, 5:40 p.m. GMT