Prediction: Saint Joseph's Hawks VS California Golden Bears 2026-03-22
St. John's Red Storm vs. Kansas Jayhawks: A Tale of Two Brooms
The St. John’s Red Storm (29-6) and Kansas Jayhawks (24-10) clash in a NCAA Tournament second-round showdown that’s part barnburner, part archaeological dig (for Rick Pitino’s last Sweet 16 appearance). Let’s parse the numbers like a coach reviewing film after a particularly embarrassing loss.
Odds & Ends
St. John’s is a 3.5-point favorite, with KenPom giving them a 56% chance to advance. Their defense? A statistical ghost of Christmas future—nine of their last 10 games have gone Under the total (144.5 points here), suggesting they’ll play tight, suffocating basketball. Kansas, meanwhile, relies on Darryn Peterson (19.3 PPG projection) and Tre White, whose shooting efficiency is as reliable as a toaster in a monsoon. The Jayhawks’ 9-5 all-time edge over St. John’s? A historical curiosity, like a VHS tape in a USB world.
Breaking News
Zuby Ejiofor returns to Kansas, where he once played like a man possessed by a highlight reel. His 15.4 PPG projection? A statistical middle finger to his old team. Kansas coach Bill Self, meanwhile, faces Rick Pitino—a man who hasn’t reached the Sweet 16 since 2015, when he probably still thought “texting” was a type of sandwich.
Humorously Yours
St. John’s defense is so disciplined, it makes a nun at a candy factory look impulsive. Kansas’s offense? A group of kindergartners trying to solve a Rubik’s Cube blindfolded. And let’s not forget Oziyah Sellers, returning to California where he once shot 61.1% from three—roughly the accuracy of a caffeinated squirrel with a slingshot.
Prediction
St. John’s wins 73-71. Why? Because Kansas’s hopes rest on Tre White shooting 44% (their 17-2 when he does), and history suggests hope is a poor substitute for a competent offense. Pitino’s “new broom” (read: $200 million facility) sweeps aside the Jayhawks’ mediocrity.
California Golden Bears vs. Saint Joseph’s Hawks: The NIT’s Most Likely to Succeed
The California Golden Bears (22-11) host Saint Joseph’s (23-11) in an NIT opener that’s less “March Madness” and more “March… What?”
Odds & Ends
Cal is a -5.5-point favorite, with a 70.4% implied probability (thanks to 1.42 decimal odds). Their 9.2 3-pointers per game? A modern art masterpiece compared to Saint Joseph’s 7.9 allowed. The total (151.5) is a split decision: Cal averages 78.3 PPG; Saint Joseph’s allows 71.3. Combined, they’ll likely hit the Under, like two introverts at a party.
Breaking News
Cal’s Dai Dai Ames averages 17 PPG—though half his points come from free throws, because apparently, morality isn’t a thing in college basketball. Saint Joseph’s, meanwhile, rebounds like a toddler clinging to a juice box: 35.9 RPG, led by Dasear Haskins’ 6.3.
Humorously Yours
Cal’s offense is a well-oiled machine gun; Saint Joseph’s defense is a sieve trying to hold back a tsunami. The Hawks’ 8-2 run? A statistical fluke, like winning the lottery while eating expired yogurt.
Prediction
Cal wins 78-65. Saint Joseph’s rebounds will be like trying to build a sandcastle in a hurricane—impressive effort, but ultimately futile. The Bears’ 3-pointers? A symphony of efficiency.
Final Whistle
In the NCAA game, St. John’s advances on defense and history. In the NIT, Cal’s sharpshooters silence Saint Joseph’s. All in all, a night where underdogs dream, favorites dominate, and sports fans everywhere check their wallets for imaginary money.
Created: March 22, 2026, 3:50 p.m. GMT