Prediction: Sheffield United VS Sheffield Wednesday 2025-11-23
Steel City Showdown: Sheffield United or Wednesday? Let’s Not Flip a Coin (They’re Both Broke)
The Steel City Derby is back, and it’s as spicy as a double-glazed doughnut dipped in hot sauce. Sheffield United (the ones with the “U”) host Sheffield Wednesday (the ones with the “W”) in a battle of two teams who’d both take a busman’s holiday right now if it meant escaping the relegation zone. Let’s parse the odds, digest the despair, and sprinkle in some humor to make this less grim than a tax audit.
Parse the Odds: A Tale of Two Sheffields
The bookmakers aren’t exactly throwing confetti for either team. Sheffield United is the slight favorite at -110 to +100 (decimal ~1.91), implying a 52.3% chance to win. Sheffield Wednesday, meanwhile, is a +360 underdog (decimal ~3.9), suggesting a 25.6% chance—which is about the same odds as me correctly predicting the weather in Sheffield in November (spoiler: it’s always raining). The draw sits at +325 (decimal ~3.5), meaning the market expects a 28.6% chance of a stalemate.
But here’s the kicker: Sheffield United hasn’t lost this fixture since 2012. That’s 13 years of clean dominance, like a really committed gym member. Sheffield Wednesday, meanwhile, is 12 points lighter than usual due to financial misadventures (entering administration is a great way to start a season, chaps). They’ve lost nine in a row and are 17 points from safety. If football had a “most likely to be relegated” award, they’d be the front-runner in a three-man race… where the other two are also doomed.
Digest the News: Relegation Roulette
Sheffield Wednesday is a team in freefall. A 12-point deduction? That’s like showing up to a race in flip-flops and then complaining about the competition. They’ve not won since September, and their attack is about as effective as a sieve made of Jell-O. Their defense? Well, let’s just say they’d let the ghost of Sir Matt Busby score a hat-trick if he wandered onto the pitch.
Sheffield United, managed by the legendary (and slightly unhinged) Chris Wilder, is in a similar pickle. They’re three points above the drop zone, but their recent form is worse than a stale pie at a food bank. However, Wilder knows this derby like he knows his morning coffee order: extra bitter, no hope. His team hasn’t lost here since 2012, which is either a curse for Wednesday or a testament to United’s ability to milk a rivalry like a particularly stubborn cow.
Humorous Spin: Football’s Weirdest Family Feud
This derby is so bitter, it could double as a Brexit debate. Sheffield Wednesday’s attack is so anemic, they’d need a blood transfusion to score against a goal-tending goalkeeper. Their defense? A human version of that game where you try to stack Jenga blocks while blindfolded.
Sheffield United’s defense, on the other hand, is like a medieval moat—only instead of water, it’s filled with “We haven’t lost here in 13 years, you absolute muppets” energy. Their midfield probably communicates in riddles, and their striker has the finishing touch of a man who’s never met a trash can he didn’t like.
And let’s not forget the crowd at Hillsborough. They’re so loud, they could wake the ghosts of miners who died in the 19th century. If the players needed motivation, they’d just turn around and see 40,000 fans chanting, “You’re all going down!”—like a particularly aggressive group of Greek chorus members.
Prediction: The Unlikely Hero
While both teams are fighting for survival, Sheffield United’s historical dominance in this fixture and their slightly better recent form (however shaky) give them the edge. The bookmakers agree, and let’s be honest, they’ve got better data scientists than either club’s recruitment team.
Final Score Prediction: Sheffield United 1–0 Sheffield Wednesday.
Why? Because Sheffield Wednesday’s defense is a house of cards in a hurricane, and Sheffield United’s “never lose a derby” curse is stronger than their opponents’ collective will to live. Plus, the under 2.5 goals line is a shoo-in—neither team can score, and both would settle for a 0–0 draw if it meant avoiding a goal against.
So, grab your scarf, brace for rain, and place your bets on Sheffield United. After all, in this derby, the only thing more certain than a low-scoring game is the fact that Sheffield Wednesday will probably regret that 12-point deduction come April.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to go cry in a broom closet about how the Steel City Derby is the footballing equivalent of a car crash—I can’t look away, but I also can’t bear to watch. 🏟️⚽
Created: Nov. 23, 2025, 11:46 a.m. GMT