Prediction: South Carolina St Bulldogs VS Chicago St Cougars 2025-12-01
Chicago State Cougars vs. South Carolina State Bulldogs: A Tale of Two (0-8) Tragedies
Ladies and gentlemen, prepare for a holiday-weekend spectacle: two teams so desperate for a win, they’d probably throw a ceremonial first basket to a team of squirrels if it meant ending their eight-game losing streaks. The Chicago State Cougars (0-8) host the South Carolina State Bulldogs (0-8) on Monday, December 1, 2025, in what promises to be a statistical nightmare, a defensive masterclass in how not to play defense, and a reminder that hope is a fragile thing… especially when your offense is as reliable as a toaster oven in a thunderstorm.
Parsing the Odds: A Statistical Car Crash
Let’s start with the numbers, because even in this dumpster fire of a matchup, there’s math to parse. Chicago State is favored by 2.5 points, but don’t let that fool you—they’re only slightly less broken than the Bulldogs. The Cougars average 65.8 points per game (343rd in D-I) and allow 87.6 (357th), while the Bulldogs score 66.5 (338th) and concede 89.8 (359th). Both teams have scoring differentials that would make a vampire blush (-175 and -186, respectively). Their three-point shooting? A collective tragedy. Chicago makes 4.6 threes per game at 29.8% (358th), and South Carolina? They’re slightly better at 6.1 threes per game (315th), but their opponents are nailing 8.0 per game at 31.8%. These teams aren’t just bad—they’re like two drunken painters trying to create a masterpiece, but accidentally setting the canvas on fire.
The over/under is 151.5 points, which seems optimistic given that the combined average of these two teams is 132.3 points per game. Yet, opponents of both teams average 177.4 points per game—25.9 more than the total. So, is this a defensive showdown or a coming-out party for the opposition? The line feels like a Vegas oddsmaker who forgot to check the teams’ schedules and just guessed “150-something.”
News from the Frontlines: Injuries, Desperation, and Squirrels
No major injuries here, but the news is still as thrilling as a 401(k) audit. Chicago State’s Marcus Tankersley leads the Cougars in scoring (15.4 PPG), but even he’s been outshone by Stephen Byard’s 3.8 rebounds per game—though let’s be real, “leading rebounder” in this context is like saying “best at losing.” South Carolina’s Obie Bronston Jr. drops 13.3 PPG, but his team’s defense is so porous, it’s like playing basketball in a sieve.
Recent results? Chicago lost 87-64 to Youngstown State, and South Carolina fell 101-79 to Winthrop. Both teams are so desperate for a win, they’d probably accept a tie and call it “moral victory day.”
Humorous Spin: The Absurdity of It All
Imagine the Cougars’ defense: they allow 87.6 points per game. That’s like leaving your front door unlocked and then complaining about burglars. South Carolina’s offense? It’s so ineffective, their three-pointers are probably being taken by players who think the rim is a suggestion.
As for the Bulldogs’ defense? They let up 89.8 points per game. If defense were a person, it would look at this game and whisper, “I’m out.”
And the spread? Chicago -2.5. Let’s be clear: this isn’t a pick. It’s a mercy bet. The Cougars are favored because they’re the lesser of two evils, like choosing between a leaky faucet and a dripping ceiling.
Prediction: Underdogs, Under, and a Whole Lot of Underachievement
Here’s the verdict: Take the Under (151.5). Despite the total being higher than these teams’ combined averages, their defenses have been so horrific against other opponents that it’s possible they’ll tighten up… just enough to make the Over look like a trap. But no—this game will be a defensive grudge match, with both teams shooting like they’ve never seen a basketball before.
As for the spread? Chicago State wins by 1, 64-63, on a last-second prayer from Braelon Bush (0.9 threes per game, 29.8% shooter—because destiny has a sick sense of humor). They’ll cover the 2.5-point spread by 0.5 points, and we’ll all wonder why we’re watching college basketball in December instead of, say, a compelling documentary on the history of shoelaces.
In the end, this game is a masterclass in futility. But hey, at least there’s free popcorn.
Created: Dec. 1, 2025, 3:42 a.m. GMT