Prediction: South Florida Bulls VS UAB Blazers 2025-11-22

South Florida Bulls vs. UAB Blazers: A Tale of Overdogs and Underdogs

Ladies and gentlemen, gather ‘round for a football fable where the South Florida Bulls stomp into Birmingham like a herd of elephants in a shoe factory, and the UAB Blazers attempt to defy gravity, logic, and the 21.5-point spread that bookmakers have etched into the concrete of Protective Stadium. Let’s parse the numbers, digest the drama, and crown a winner with the flair of a circus ringmaster.

Parsing the Odds: Why This Spread Feels Like a Math Test
South Florida (-21.5) is favored so heavily here, it’s like betting on the sun to rise tomorrow—if the sun had a 28th-ranked passing attack and a quarterback who moonlights as a human highlight reel. Byrum Brown, South Florida’s dual-threat QB, is a statistical sorcerer (2,530 yards, 21 TDs, 841 rushing yards), and his 65.4% completion rate makes him more reliable than your average Wi-Fi connection. UAB, meanwhile, is priced at +12.0 on the moneyline, which translates to an implied probability of just 8.3%. That’s the chance of flipping a coin and getting heads twice in a row—and then somehow flipping it into a hat trick of tails.

The total is set at 68.5 points, a number so high it makes you wonder if the oddsmakers forgot this was college football and not a NBA game. South Florida’s offense averages 35.8 PPG, while UAB’s defense allows 30.2 PPG. Together, they’re a recipe for a points bonanza—or a medical bill for anyone with a headache.

Digesting the News: Injuries, Senior Day, and QB Comebacks
South Florida enters this clash reeling from a 41-38 drubbing by Navy that eliminated them from playoff contention. Their silver lining? They’ll trot out their 28th-ranked passing attack to test UAB’s secondary, led by Tamarion Crumpley, who once defended Tennessee’s spread offense like a medieval knight guarding a soup pot.

UAB, the plucky underdogs, are led by Jalen Kitna, a quarterback making a comeback from shoulder injuries. Kitna’s last start against South Florida was a 384-yard, 2-TD masterpiece—though he’ll need to summon that magic again while avoiding the Blazers’ sack artist, Mac Harris (6 sacks, 7.5 TFL). UAB’s offense hinges on Brandon Hawkins Jr., who’s hotter than a December turkey leg: 127 yards and a TD last week, with scores in three straight games.

Senior Day adds emotional heft for UAB, as 29 players get their final home sendoff. Kitna, who’s petitioning for a sixth year of eligibility, called Birmingham his “second home.” Too bad his shoulder didn’t feel the same love.

The Humorous Spin: Football as Absurd Theatre
Imagine this game as a David vs. Goliath saga… if Goliath had a 7-3 record and David was carrying a 21.5-point deficit like a backpack full of bricks. South Florida’s spread is so steep, it makes Mount Everest look like a speed bump. If UAB wants to cover, they’ll need to invent a new rule where touchdowns are worth negative points for the Bulls.

Jalen Kitna’s shoulder injury? A medical mystery rivaling the Bermuda Triangle. How does one injure a shoulder in a sport where the primary objective is to throw it? Was he attempting a yoga pose? A TikTok dance? The truth may never be known.

And let’s not forget the Blazers’ offensive line, which must protect Kitna while also fending off Mac Harris, a linebacker with a sack total (6.0) that could double as a grocery list for a postgame barbecue.

Prediction: The Bulls Stomp, the Blazers Bounce
South Florida’s depth, talent, and sheer volume of offensive firepower make this a lopsided affair. UAB’s best hope is to milk clock with Kitna’s arm and hope South Florida’s defense implodes—but when your opponent’s QB is a 21-TD machine and your own defense allows 30 PPG, hope is about as reliable as a free throw from LeBron James’ rookie year.

Final Score Prediction: South Florida 35, UAB 14
Why? Because the Bulls are favored by 21.5 points, and even if UAB scores a touchdown, South Florida can just kick a field goal… and still cover the spread. It’s math, but make it football.

Go ahead, bet on South Florida. Just don’t be surprised if the Blazers pull off a miracle—though statistically, that’d be less likely than me writing a coherent sentence without a comma.

Created: Nov. 22, 2025, 1:12 p.m. GMT

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