Prediction: Tulane Green Wave VS Ole Miss Rebels 2025-12-20
Tulane Green Wave vs. Ole Miss Rebels: A CFP First-Round Showdown Where the Odds Are About as Surprising as a Non-Circular Pizza
Parsing the Odds: When Implied Probabilities Make Underdogs Look Like Roulette Wheel Fools
Let’s cut to the chase: Ole Miss is the NFL Draft’s “most likely to be a first-round pick,” and Tulane is the “most likely to be a viral TikTok fail.” The bookmakers aren’t just favoring Ole Miss—they’re teleporting their money to Vaught-Hemingway Stadium. At decimal odds of 1.11 for Ole Miss (implied probability: ~90%), you’d think the Rebels are the sun and Tulane is a solar panel begging for scraps. Meanwhile, Tulane’s 7.1 odds (implied ~14%) suggest bookmakers would bet on a caffeinated squirrel leading a comeback. The spread? Ole Miss is -17.5, which is basically betting they’ll score a touchdown, kick a field goal, and throw a Hail Mary just for fun. The total of 56.5 points? Expect this game to have more scoring than a Black Friday sale at a gun store.
Digesting the News: Recent Form and Coaching Changes That Could Make or Break This Matchup
Tulane’s recent wins—34-21, 37-13, 35-24—sound less like football scores and more like a math teacher grading an easy quiz. They’ve beaten Oklahoma, UNT, and Temple like they’re swatting flies. But here’s the rub: They’re facing Ole Miss, a team that’s gone 7-1 this season and has a new coach, Pete Golding, who apparently spends his days whispering motivational quotes to defensive linemen and his nights Googling “how to not lose to Tulane.” Ole Miss’s 11-1 record in “some context” (probably conference play) also hints they’ve been dodging landmines named Florida and Mississippi State. Still, their circus-acrobat quarterback (per ESPN’s vague hints) seems to have the arm of a superhero and the poise of a man who’s seen every meme about SEC football.
Humorous Spin: Football Metaphors So Bad, They’ll Make Your Grandpa Roll His Eyes
Tulane’s offense is like a toaster oven: capable of greatness, but if you leave it unattended, it’ll catch fire and burn your house down. Ole Miss’s defense? A locked vault guarded by a swarm of wasps in football jerseys. The 17.5-point spread is so lopsided, it’s like asking a kindergartener to race a Formula 1 driver—only the kindergartener gets a head start and a jetpack. As for the 56.5-point total? If the scoreboard hits 57, the referees might need a defibrillator.
Prediction: Why Ole Miss Will Win Unless Tulane’s QB Suddenly Develops X-Ray Vision
Ole Miss’s implied probability of ~90% isn’t just a number—it’s a mathematical inevitability. Tulane’s 14% chance is about as realistic as a snowstorm in the Sahara. Yes, the Green Wave have won four straight, but they’ve faced opponents with the fight of a wet noodle. Ole Miss, meanwhile, has the kind of talent that makes “CFP first-round matchup” sound less like a challenge and more like a mercy rule.
Final Verdict:
Ole Miss Rebels to win by ~18 points, because Tulane’s only hope is a Hail Mary that somehow bends the arc of a football into a perfect spiral of despair. Bet on the Rebels, unless you enjoy the thrill of watching a longshot lose… and then lose again in the same sentence. 🏈🔥
“Football is like chess, except the pieces are people and the checkmate is a fumble recovery in the end zone.” – Your Humble Analyst
Created: Dec. 19, 2025, 5:50 a.m. GMT