Prediction: Yokohama DeNA BayStars VS Tokyo Yakult Swallows 2025-09-13
NPB Showdown: DeNA BayStars vs. Yakult Swallows – A Tale of Two Pitchers and a Reluctant Infielder
Ladies and gentlemen, prepare for a clash of Nippon Professional Baseball titans: the Yokohama DeNA BayStars (1.74 implied probability) vs. the Tokyo Yakult Swallows (1.91 implied probability). The odds favor DeNA, but Yakult’s story is a Shakespearean tragedy of managerial panic, emergency pitching, and a 30-year-old infielder who’s been told he’s “good with control.” Let’s break it down.
Parse the Odds: The Math of Mayhem
The bookmakers are giving DeNA a 54-57% chance to win (depending on the site), while Yakult clings to a 49-51% lifeline. That might not sound like a landslide, but in baseball terms, it’s like saying Elon Musk has a better chance of mastering punctuality than Jeff Bezos. DeNA’s recent performance? A 10-2 thrashing of Yakult just days ago, with 16 hits and pitcher Jackson securing his 10th win. Meanwhile, Yakult’s last game saw their manager, Takatsu, admit to using infielder Takumi Kitamura as a pitcher in a “fucking difficult” decision. Translation: We’re out of options.
The spread (-1.5 for DeNA) and total (7.5 runs) suggest a high-scoring game, but Yakult’s defense might be so porous, even a gentle breeze could score a run.
Digest the News: Yakult’s Desperate Measures
Yakult’s recent headlines read like a sitcom:
- Takumi Kitamura, the Accidental Pitcher: Last week, manager Takatsu dropped a bombshell: he thrust Kitamura, a 30-year-old infielder, into the 9th-inning pitching role without telling him. Kitamura’s last time on the mound? September 2023, when he gave up one run but struck out a batter. Takatsu cited “control” and “juniority” (he’s a junior to “Asia,” presumably a nickname for another player) as reasons. Spoiler: It didn’t work.
- The Sayonara Sultan: Yakult’s Sho Murakami, the “Skapper! Sayonara Award” winner, has hit walk-off homers but can’t catch a break in August. His three-month award streak (June- August) is a silver lining, but it’s like winning a consolation prize at a fire extinguisher contest.
DeNA, meanwhile, is riding high after their 10-2 dismantling of Yakult, where they racked up 16 hits. Their pitcher, Jackson, is a human wrecking ball with a 10-win season under his belt. If baseball had a “Most Likely to Win” award, he’d be the guy with the trophy in his trunk.
Humorous Spin: Absurdity on the Diamond
Yakult’s managerial gamble with Kitamura is the baseball equivalent of asking your dog to guard the house and then being surprised when it naps through a heist. Takatsu’s excuse—“he’s good with control”—is like saying a teapot is a great race car driver because it’s “stable.” Meanwhile, DeNA’s offense is so hot, they could roast marshmallows on their bats between innings.
The spread (-1.5 for DeNA) is generous, but considering Yakult’s bullpen looks like a sieve (see: Kitamura’s emergency pitching), it’s a bet as safe as leaving your keys in the car during a magician’s performance.
Prediction: The Inevitable Unfolds
Yokohama DeNA BayStars win 8-3.
Why? Because Yakult’s defense is a Jenga tower in a hurricane, and DeNA’s offense just hit a 16-hit snoozefest in their last game. The only mystery is whether Kitamura will retire to a life of farming or become a full-time meme. As for the total? Bet over 7.5 runs—Yakult’s pitchers are so shaky, they’ll probably spill the beer during warmups.
In the end, this isn’t just a game; it’s a masterclass in why you don’t let infielders pitch unless you’ve run out of both ideas and viable players. DeNA’s got the edge, the juice, and the swagger of a team that just handed their opponents a 10-2 lesson. Buckle up, NPB fans—it’s going to be a long week for Yakult. 🍜⚾
Created: Sept. 12, 2025, 7:29 p.m. GMT