Prop Bets: Milwaukee Brewers VS Pittsburgh Pirates 2025-09-05
Brewers vs. Pirates: A One-Sided Slapstick Special
The Milwaukee Brewers (-156) are here to humiliate the Pittsburgh Pirates in a game that’ll make you question why the Pirates even brought a bat. Let’s break it down with math, mayhem, and a sprinkle of prop bets:
The Numbers That Make You Snort Coffee
- Brewers’ Moneyline Implied Probability: 61.1% (thanks to their 74.1% win rate when -156 or shorter). The Pirates? A laughable 38.9% chance to avoid total embarrassment.
- Offense: The Brewers mash 5.1 runs/game (vs. Pirates’ 3.7). William Contreras (.411 SLG) and Brice Turang (.291 BA) will likely turn the Pirates’ defense into a piñata.
- Pitching: Quinn Priester (3.28 ERA, 107 K in 134 IP) vs. Johan Oviedo (2-0 in 4 starts, but hey, he’s technically a rookie). Priester’s got more K’s than the Pirates’ entire team HR total (102).
Prop Bets to Wager Your Grandma’s Soul On
1. Brice Turang Over 0.5 Doubs (-105 at FanDuel): Turang’s a doubles machine (.300 OBP). Bet him to turn singles into “Wait, did that count?” moments.
2. William Contreras Over 2.5 Total Bases (-110 at DraftKings): With a .411 SLG, Contreras will either hit a triple (unlikely) or strike out (also unlikely). Either way, it’s entertainment.
3. Priester Over 4.5 Strikeouts (-105 at Caesars): Priester’s got 107 Ks this season. Bets on him to fan 5+ batters are like betting the sun will rise—unless you’ve never seen a Pirate swing.
Why the Pirates Should Just Pack Up
- Their lineup hits .234, which is about as useful as a screen door on a submarine.
- Oviedo’s ERA? 3.88. In case you forgot, that’s worse than the Pirates’ team batting average.
Final Score Prediction
Milwaukee 6, Pittsburgh 2. The Pirates will manage 3 hits, 0 RBIs, and 2 errors. Oneil Cruz might homer, but it’ll be the only highlight reel moment in a game that’ll have fans checking their TVs to see if the feed froze.
Take: Brewers -1.5 (-110) and Over 8.5 Runs (-115). Because math, and also because the Pirates’ bullpen is a math problem no one wants to solve.
Disclaimer: This prediction is 80% statistical analysis, 20% sarcasm. Bet responsibly, and don’t tip your waiters with Pirate losses. 🍻
Created: Sept. 5, 2025, 7:41 a.m. GMT