Prop Bets: New England Patriots VS Miami Dolphins 2025-09-14

Miami Dolphins vs. New England Patriots: A Comedy of Errors with Explosive Props

Ladies and gentlemen, prepare for a game where the Miami Dolphins (-1.5 to -2.5, implied probability: ~52-55%) will either reclaim their dignity or join the Patriots in a mutual pity party. The Dolphins, fresh off a Week 1 "horror show" (per Covers.com), are favored to avoid further embarrassment, though their defense might need a miracle to contain the Patriots’ Stefon Diggs, who’s expected to "catch passes like I catch my ex’s lies on a Sunday morning."

Key Stats & Odds:
- Moneyline: Dolphins at +175 (implied 55.5%) to +187 (52.3%), Patriots at +207 to +215 (48.1%).
- Spreads: Dolphins are -1.5 to -2.5 in 80% of books, with odds 1.91 (implied ~51.3%).
- Totals: 43.5-point Over/Under, with Over at 1.93 (51.8%) and Under at 1.87 (53.5%).

Player Props to Bet Your Grandma’s Wig On:
1. De’Von Achane (Dolphins): Anytime TD at -127 (Caesars, promo: CBS20X). Implied probability: 55.1%. With 8 red-zone TDs last season, Achane’s odds are better than your chances of finding your keys on a Tuesday.
2. Ja’Marr Chase (Bengals): Anytime TD at -130 (FanDuel, $300 bonus). Implied: 56.5%. He’s got 17 TDs and 1,708 yards to prove; the Jaguars’ defense is "open for business… if business means getting roasted."
3. Jaguars WR (probably Marvin Jones III): Anytime TD at +130 (DraftKings, $200 promo). Implied: 43.5%. The Jags allowed the NFL’s most passing yards last season, so why not bet on chaos?

Why the Patriots Might Win: Because the Dolphins’ defense is "a work in progress… like a Jenga tower after a hurricane." Diggs is projected for 57+ yards, and the Pats’ O-line isn’t shelling out for a "players-only meeting" anytime soon.

Final Verdict: Bet the Dolphins to cover the spread (-2.5) just to spite the pessimists. And if Achane and Chase both score? Consider it a holiday. 🏈💰

Disclaimer: This prediction is 70% humor, 30% math. Do not bet your firstborn.

Created: Sept. 13, 2025, 4:08 p.m. GMT