Prop Bets: Pittsburgh Pirates VS Colorado Rockies 2025-08-02
Pirates vs. Rockies Prediction: A Tale of Two Terrors at Coors Field
Ladies and gentlemen, prepare for a game where even the Colorado Rockies’ bullpen (5.15 ERA) will make Andrew Heaney’s road ERA (6.45) look like a masterclass in precision. The Pirates, riding a five-game winning streak, face the Rockies in a battle of MLB’s worst offenses—3.4 and 3.6 runs per game, respectively—yet somehow, this feels like a surefire fireworks show. Why? Because Coors Field turns even the most anemic hitters into temporary heroes, and the Rockies’ starting pitchers might as well be throwing darts at a chalkboard.
The Numbers, Briefly
- Moneyline: Pirates are -138 favorites, which is basically giving you a 10% discount on a loss. The Rockies (+270) are here to make you feel nostalgic for the days of 1990s expansion teams.
- Run Line: Rockies +1.5 (-200) vs. Pirates -1.5 (-250). Take the Rockies and a raincheck.
- Total: Over 10.5 (-110) is the pick. With Paul Skenes (4.35 ERA) vs. Austin Gomber (5.85 ERA), this is a “how many runs can we tolerate?” contest.
Why It’s a Blast
The Rockies’ starting rotation is so bad, Gomber’s ERA (5.85) could double as a metaphor for their season. The Pirates’ Oneil Cruz (+300 to hit 2.5+ HRs) might not clear the fence, but he’ll probably hit a double and a groundout to short. Meanwhile, Rockies’ Tyler Freeman (-125 to get 0.5+ HRs) is here to remind us that “over” just means “we’re all hoping.”
Prop Bets to Waste Your Money On
- Bryan Reynolds: Over 2.5 hits (+200). He’ll get 1 hit, 1 error, and a walk-off apology from the umpire.
- Austin Gomber: Over 3.5 strikeouts (-150). He’ll strike out 2 batters… and 1 fan’s dignity.
- Pirates Team Total: Over 4.5 runs (-110). They’ll score 3, then the Rockies will score 5 in the 9th just to spite everyone.
Final Verdict
Pirates -1.5 (-250). They’ll win, but not because they’re good. They’ll win because the Rockies’ bullpen will serve up 4 runs in the 7th, and the Pirates’ offense will muster exactly enough energy to hit a solo home run. The Rockies’ Ezequiel Tovar (-400 to steal a base) will fail, but at least he’ll try.
In the end, this game is a reminder that baseball is a cruel joke—especially for Rockies fans. Bet accordingly, and maybe bring a towel for the tears. 🎩⚾
Created: Aug. 2, 2025, 10:24 a.m. GMT