Recap: Houston Astros VS Colorado Rockies 2025-07-03
"The Rockies and White Sox: A Tale of Two Teams Trying Not to Lose (But Mostly Failing)"
In a game that could be subtitled "The Great Struggle for Last Place," the Colorado Rockies (20-67) will host the Chicago White Sox (28-59) on Saturday, July 5, 2025, in what promises to be a masterclass in futility. Coors Field, that hitter-friendly haven where even the wind seems to whisper "swing away," will welcome the White Sox—owners of MLB’s second-worst record—for a matchup that’s less about winning and more about who can look less embarrassed.
Let’s start with the pitching: German Marquez (Rockies) vs. Jonathan Cannon (White Sox). It’s like watching two guys duel with soggy spaghetti—nobody’s expecting a thriller. The Rockies, who rank 24th in MLB with 83 home runs (roughly the power of a toddler on a tricycle), will lean on Hunter Goodman, their 16-HR hero, and Jordan Beck, who’s somehow managed 77 hits in this statistical equivalent of a sinking ship. The White Sox? They’ll trot out Miguel Vargas (10 HRs, 34 RBI) and Andrew Benintendi (10 HRs), a duo that’s basically the "A-team" of Chicago’s offensive wasteland (last in slugging at .342—yes, even the teabags in the clubhouse hit harder).
The Rockies, for all their struggles, recently pulled off a miracle: becoming the last team in MLB to reach 20 wins, thanks to a dramatic 7-5 victory over the Astros. How dramatic? They staged a seventh-inning comeback that made a Rockies fan cry, “Is this baseball or The Hunger Games?!” Then, in the ninth, they clung to victory like a seatbelt in a car crash, thanks to reliever Seth Halvorsen, who forced a game-ending pop-up. It was so tense, even the Coors Field pretzels were holding their breath.
As for the White Sox, they’re here to remind us that “worst ERA” and “worst slugging percentage” aren’t just stats—they’re lifestyles. Their .342 team SLG is so bad, even a squirrel could hit .343 by dropping acorns on the field.
So, who wins? Honestly, it’s like picking which wet blanket will soak you less at a rainstorm. The Rockies have the “advantage” of hosting Coors Field, where the thin air might help their offense… if they could just stop striking out 20 times a game. The White Sox? They’ll probably strike out 20 times too, but at least they’ll do it with style.
Final Prediction: This game will be decided by which team’s players forget to tag up first. Rockies by 1, because even the worst team in baseball isn’t 完全没有 hope… just 20-67.
Note: No actual last places were harmed in the making of this recap. The author is not a doctor, but he would like to help you forget this game exists. 🎉⚾
Created: July 5, 2025, 6:08 p.m. GMT