Recap: Molde VS Vålerenga 2025-06-22
Molde Stages “Parking Ticket” Comeback, Leaves Vålerenga Dazed and Confused
In a match that could’ve been titled “How to Win While Suffering from First-Half Amnesia,” Molde clawed back from a 2-1 halftime deficit to stun Vålerenga 3-2, thanks to a late header from Fredrik Gulbrandsen—assisted by Magnus Wolff Eikrem, who also scored the equalizer. The victory moved Molde up to 8th in the Eliteserien, while Vålerenga remains stuck in 12th, where they’ve apparently been practicing their sad trombone routine.
The first half was so dire for Molde that assistant coach Magne Hoseth, a former player with a flair for philosophical coaching, declared, “We must be cynical in football. We must show a bit of ‘fuckings moral.’” Translation: “Play dirty, but make it art.” His halftime adjustments included replacing Isak Amundsen with Valdemar Lund, presumably because Amundsen was too busy dodging Vålerenga’s Filip Thorvaldsen, whose rough play earned him a metaphorical parking ticket from TV 2 expert Simen Stamsø-Møller: “That deserves a parking ticket.”
Vålerenga led 2-1 at halftime, but Molde’s second-half surge was so dramatic it made Game of Thrones look like a nap. Eikrem, Molde’s captain, later shrugged off the chaos, saying, “Matchwinner is the man of the day, I think,” as if he were just ordering a coffee, not orchestrating a comeback.
For Vålerenga, it’s another day of wondering if their defense is a sieve or just a sieve with a bad attitude. For Molde? They’re now 8th, one step closer to escaping the “also-rans” section of the league.
Key Stats:
- Molde: 3 goals (Eikrem, Gulbrandsen), 3-2 final.
- Vålerenga: 2 goals, but only 2 points to show for it.
- Parking tickets awarded: 1 (metaphorical, to Thorvaldsen).
- Cynicism index: Molde 11/10, Vålerenga 2/10 (but hey, someone’s gotta be the moral high ground).
Next up? Let’s hope Sarpsborg and Bryne bring more goals and fewer parking violations.
Created: June 22, 2025, 3:46 p.m. GMT